Monday, April 30, 2007

the old garden center

for family time this morning, we all piled into the black car and drove to my old garden center to talk to the owners about helping deliver some plants. (long story- see * to read it). then i went out to the garden part and i was admiring all the plants when i ran into Josh who i had hired so many years ago. apparently he was just back for the summer to help out, as he was taking engineering in school. it was wild seeing him, just because he was all grown up. this little kid who was 17 was all grown up at 24, and he was kinda hunky. adorable guy. so he flirted with me which made me feel very young again (like 33 is old)and it was nice. anyways, i kept looking around at all the plants and i noticed that the perennials weren't in alphabetical order by latin name, the shrubs weren't labelled made me itch. twitch. fitch. i wanted to throw on some gloves and do some work. i miss it. i miss the lugging around of heavy pots and pruning of dead branches so they look more presentable. the weeding of perennials and watering and fertilizing. it's almost like i had to find a home for each and every individual plant, or i wasn't doing my job. it made me wonder if i should go back part-time. but it would not be good for me i don't think, as it would be less family-time, less time in my own garden...and the icky politics would be back and that would be awful. so i'll just have a little day dream today about how wonderful it once was, and then let it all go.

i'd love to own a little garden center one day. but i also want a book shop too. could i be the first bookshoppe/garden center? books would probably get dirty. what would i call it? green backs. green for the plants and backs for books. sigh.

*When i was in charge of the garden center, i did all the ordering of plants. a gentleman came in one day with a car full of plants. i checked it out and his stuff is gorgeous, and he was a local. so i decided to order stuff off of him every year and thankfully, when i left, they kept ordering from him. we drove by to see how he was doing at his greenhouse last week, and it turns out he has bone cancer in his leg and his left side is without feeling. so we offered to help him do his deliveries in exchange for a hanging basket.

Sunday, April 29, 2007


went on a double date last night with B and D. went to jr's for some seriously unhealthy food, then went to the play. it was a pretty good play but i just couldn't relax. couldn't just appreciate it for what it was. and i think it was because i felt that i should have been up there on that stage. i've done a few plays with this acting troupe, and have not done any since the gaffer came around. and believe me, i miss it. i miss the frustration, the fun, the knowing you nailed a certain part. seeing the audience laugh and enjoying themselves. the few minutes before you go on where you have to hold your pee. it was hard to relax but i criticized the whole thing in my head. i didn't mean to. i kept trying to appreciate the way they portrayed it, but i was quite analytical. and i miss being up there. i hope i can get up there again soon. i wonder if it's in the plans.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Clothes Shopping

why oh why oh why do i torture myself with clothe shopping? seriously? i mean, so i go to value village today and i fill my cart. just fill it. what am i looking for? shorts. and t-shirts. that's it. and of course because the clothing industry will NOT come together on the whole one size means one size, i have to choose a bunch of different sizes. i varied between a 9 and a 13. for shorts. for t-shirts, i had to stick with large and x-large. due to my large lats. or back. or whatever it is. it certainly has nothing to do with the size of my rack. i tried on, are you ready for this? i tried on 20 pairs of shorts. i tried on 30 t-shirts.

shorts: couldn't get them up my hips. got them up my hips but they wouldn't do up. they did up but they were too big. did up, not too big but had this strange...poop in front of my crotch. seriously. what is that poof for? i checked the label to see if they were men's shorts, and they weren't. how am i supposed to fill in a poof in a pair of shorts? i could have shoved a couple pairs of socks down there. or even a fanny pack. maybe that's what it's for. you wear those shorts on holidays, and while you're pretending not to be a tourist, because you will definitely be accosted, you shove your fanny pack in the poof so it looks more natural and you've got your passports and travellers cheques hidden. but it still makes you look like you've tucked your entire belly, including your boobs into your poof area!
i bought one pair of shorts. they are men's gap shorts. and i have to cut out the back pockets because for some reason they are a thicker fabric than the rest of the shorts, and make my bum look weird with all the lines.

t-shirts: why oh why oh why do we live in an era of tight t-shirts? i don't want a tight t-shirt. i want a nice shirt. a shirt that fits well. one that leaves me loose around my belly area so if i'm feeling chubby or have eaten too much, i can hide that. or at least loose enough to hide the poof from my shorts. and no i don't want it see-through and i don't want it so tight around my chest that you could bounce quarters between my boobs. i don't want ridiculous little sayings like 'i'm hot and you're not' and 'naked lifeguard on duty' on my chest. (how could you wear a naked lifeguard on duty t-shirt and still be naked?) and i don't want a t-shirt that cuts my neck circulation off, nor do i want it falling off my shoulders. or plunging deep down to show off my bellybutton. i am not j-lo.
i bought 3 t-shirts.

i need to learn to make my own clothes. because i don't think they sell clothes for normal people out there. i'd like to complain and say, 'who wears a size 0?' except i've seen those girls and it's taken everything in me not to hold them down (like it would be hard) and forcefeed them a lasagna. but to have shirts that were actually flattering (in my way) and shorts that actually fit my bum, and actually fit my waist and not balloon out. and fit my legs for crying out loud!

anyone know how to teach me to sew?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


you know, i keep looking at other people's blogs, and they are so much more advanced than i am. they have pictures, they have drawings, they have links! why can't i do that? i mean, my blog looks so boring. it could be boring to read for all i know! maybe i need to get blogging for dummies or something and then i can figure it all out. be more creative and whatnot. but maybe it takes more time than i'm ready to give.
v stopped by this morning for a visit, and her little guy wasn't feeling too hot which was a shame for the gaffer because he was wound right up. their family is building a new home, and i'm a tad jealous. i love the newness of a new house. and the only reason i love it, is because i know what it's like. which makes me think of our old house. our first house. the house we built with our own two hands. and rockstar hubby and i chatted about it, and i think we might write the girl a letter and tell her that if she ever wants to sell, we'd like to buy it back. i don't know if we could afford it, but i sure did love that home. i love our home now, don't get me wrong. there are parks nearby, stores nearby, it's near the highway...but the 5 acres of forest. the heated floors. the heated garage! the full long basement just beckoning to be redone. the forest. the quiet. the cows across the road. hmmm...don't miss the bugs though. great neighbours. the sky at night. the frogs yelling at each other. letting the neurotic dog out to chase the deer. the deer we shot from the dining room window. sigh.
but i sure do love our house we're in now.
many many irises coming up. can't wait. gonna cut them and bring them into the house. i love flowers.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

knee bobos

so i had an awesome night last night, and i actually slept in all the way to 7:20 this morning until that lovely train came and woke me up. couldn't sleep last night though. don't know why.
after gaffer's nap we decided to walk up to the park. he was wearing his new shorts. within 10 feet of the house, down he went. and the screams were awful. his knees were bloody, his hands were bloody...i picked him up and we walked back to the house and he screamed once he saw the blood and i cleaned him up as best as i could. poor guy.
first knee scrapes.
not the last i'm sure.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

if ya wanna see God...

look in a garden. (Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

oh what a day! 45 minutes on the elliptical at the gym, then got home, put the gaffer to bed and threw on the gardening gloves (hot pink of course).
started in the backyard. started raking, pruning dead shrubs...what's this? sedum! geraniums! oenethera! oh my! hydrangea! rose bush! more daffodils and irises! so i went nuts! it is now 6:30, and i am almost done. rockstar hubby cleaned up brush pile as i raked like a mad woman, pruning and slashing the little bits to the ground. (hey if they wanna make it they gotta toughen up!) oh i have a lovely garden coming. met neighbours across the road and found out that i have very lovely gardens, but they were neglected for two years. not anymore baby!!! oh i can't wait. i have already put out a few faerie statues among the campanula and they look like right at home.
oh i'm so tired and a little sunburned...but i'm so excited and happy. when i die, i wanna be in charge of the gardens...

my dad called me tonight and we talked for 20 minutes...

Friday, April 20, 2007

things that may happen while you shave your legs...

sitting perched on the edge of the tub with the hot water running, one hand soapy, the other weilding a cheap 'daisy' razor, and a two year old gaffer comes into the bathroom to watch.

things that may happen while you shave your legs...

you are joined by a rubber duck, a small plastic fireman, a gray pickup truck, a black and white taxi (both hot wheels), a pink cup, a yellow cup and a watering bucket.

small bits of toilet paper are ripped and then thrown into the toilet.

the toilet gets flushed as boiling hot water burns your leg.

you cut your knee.

the phone rings.

your two year old answers it.

you discover he only pretended to answer it. (thank goodness!)

the toilet roll is now off the holder and is on the ground, getting wet. (why is it getting wet?)

the floor is wet from gaffer taking a drink from mommy's water bottle taken from the bedroom side shelf.

towels are removed from their poles, and thrown down the stairs.

dog barks at door knocking. door is locked. thank goodness.

you cut your other knee.

you get out of the tub to discover there aren't any towels to be had.

gaffer is nowhere to be seen.

legs are mostly shaved, with many prickly spots, and two pools of blood drying on knees. lovely. will wear pants today instead.

Thursday, April 19, 2007


i've beaten winter! i actually worked in my yard yesterday and it didn't snow today! i've broken the curse! i plan on doing more, so if it snows tomorrow, i apologize all the more...

yesterday afternoon was lovely. rockstar hubby and i went to almonte, and on the way, we stopped at the nursery as i breathed in their fresh herbs. i bought two lavender plants that i had never heard of, ( i love new flowers) and some ranuncus bulbs and some anemone. (a-nuh-moans, not a-ney-money) then we toured almonte and bought some freshly baked cookies, lovely loaves, and stopped at the Hub to buy a bagful of clothes for the gaffer for 2$! perfect. and then we picked up the gaffer, came home, had subway for dinner, and settled in to watch Lost and watch sanjaya get kicked of a.i. YES!!!!
lovely lovely dreams....
beautiful day again...i need a latte....

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

the funny things he does

this post is dedicated to the gaffer:

on friday morning, he was standing on the bed, and he took my sweater in his hands and pulled me close and said 'mommy, you're pretty.'
later that afternoon he took my face in his hands and said, 'don't worry mommy.'

on saturday morning in the car, he said, 'i'm pretty', and i said, 'what's mommy?' and he said 'mommy's beautiful.' and i asked, 'what's daddy?' and he said without pause, 'daddy's hungry!'

yesterday while i was in the kitchen, he told me he was going upstairs to get something. i said, ok, becareful. and he came up to me and said 'mommy, you wait right here. 5 minutes. i'll be right back. don't worry love. don't be bad. don't be sad. you wait here. 5 minutes mommy.' and up he went.

this morning while i was in the washroom, he came in, opened the cupboard door and ripped off a small piece of toilet paper from a new roll. then he turned around and tried to shove me off the toilet so he could throw his piece of paper in...

Monday, April 16, 2007

snowing again, and i don't mind

i really don't. i know the roads are going to be horrible as i drag the gaffer and myself to the gym. i need to go to the gym because i've got a cold and i need out of the house to do some light cardio. but the snow, is so beautiful. i let the dog out and just stood there for a moment, relishing in the quiet that only snow can give you. i know it'll be gone in a few days. i know the extra precipitation is good for my lovely garden. and it's so peaceful. maybe i should stay home and take us to the park. except i think it would be easier to drive in it, then to walk in it.

yesterday was pretty good. had church. came home. attempted to nap but my cough kept me awake. so i took some drugs. woke up half an hour later to find myself stoned and coughing. so we all went to the riverside puddle park. we brought the gaffer's new tricycle to try out. well, the pedals are a touch too far. and he knew it. and he couldn't steer. he was so frustrated at himself. expecting it to work right away. we kept encouraging him and when it got too ugly, we made him get off and do some walking. there were a lot of tears and a few tantrums, but how can you possible discipline that? so we just let him cry it out. and then we came home, and everything was fine. we were cold, wet (it was raining) and tired, but we had our bubble baths and everything was well again.
amazing what bubble baths can do.

Friday, April 13, 2007

everyone has a story

so i'm at the bookstore, drinking my venti decaf soy vanilla latte at 140 degrees, when a lady comes to sit beside me. turns out it's C, the lady i met awhile ago in the summertime. we had spoken briefly, as i was working on a story that had me in tears, and she asked me if i was alright. so we started talking. i don't know what prompted it, but she told me she was getting a divorce, and was in the middle of exams. so we talked about the divorce for a bit. and then later she confided that she had no idea he was leaving her for another woman, and then later she confided that he used to hit her, and hit the kids. i asked if she ever reported him, and she said no. she knows social workers, and she does psychology (go figure) and that her kids would be put into foster care. so she never told anyone.

i had no words for her. i just said i'd pray...

Thursday, April 12, 2007

more house issues

oh how things can change from so good to so bad in a matter of seconds.

rockstar hubby and i had a fabulous time last night with our wine-blackberry-boy friend. the food was amazing. the conversation was great, if not rushed, trying to catch up as much as possible before the next 4 months go by. the wine was way too good. and rockstar hubby drove us home. then he drove babysitter niece home. and then he came home. to me shrieking.


now, i want you to understand, that i don't normally have a problem with bugs. silverfish in the carpet grosses me out, but i get rid of it. spiders i don't like, especially the big black ones with juicy bodies but i kill them. (unless rockstar hubby is home, then i make him do it). ants i can handle. we've noticed a little problem with ants, a few here and there, so we got ant trap/poison. you know, the little red and white discs that you hide under bookshelves so the dog and child don't find them. we've always had spring ants and it's not a big deal.

but the bathroom upstairs. i noticed two at first. and so i killed them. then i saw three more climb out of a hole, rushing out. so i started to breathe harder. then i pulled back the shower curtain. everywhere. about 20. climbing all over my tub, the walls, the tiles. i freaked. hubby came up and started the kill. i'd like to say it was delicious to watch his rippling biceps working overtime as he thwarted my enemy...but alas, it was just gross and creepy. because they kept coming out of holes. so i went to the bedroom to look around. i threw down some lavender oil in front of the door and around the bed. ( i read somewhere they hate lavender), i did the entrance to the gaffer's room. i checked the nursery, two more ants. i checked the hall. three more ants. big ones. big black juicy carpenter ants. 'honey, are these carpenter ants?' hubby sighed. 'yup'. and so began the imagination overdrive. i imagined those little buggers all throughout the walls of my house. i imagined our house decaying. so i asked what would happen if the entire house was infested. we get an exterminator, was the answer. but what if the wood is all rotten inside our walls? then insurance will have to put us up somewhere for 6 months and they'll have to knock down and rebuild our house.

oh dear.

i'm really really praying that it's just an exterminator issue. but seriously,enough with things going wrong! i can deal with the furnace being broken. with the door being sealed shut. with the strange holes in the walls made by varying sized screws. i can even deal with the dog crap in the backyard. even our water situation, i can live with. (oh yeah, for some reason our water tastes funny all of a sudden. water tester should be coming soon) but ants? absolutely not. enough already!!!!

sigh. the snow does look lovely though.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

eggs, ketchup, b.p. toast, salsa and chips...

well, it's what i had for lunch...
today deserved another posting...
gaffer's hair looks...ok. a little weird. she gave him goofy hair around the ears. will be cutting it myself from now on. had a lovely walk back though. however, gaffer was supposed to do some walking for some exercise, but decided that wearing mittens was not worth it and had a fit on the sidewalk. he climbed back into the stroller. huh. fashion diva?
came back home and brought out ALL the sidewalk chalk and let him go. i have pink, blue, green and yellow on my driveway, sidewalk, garden rocks and crab apple tree out front, and the yard bag. oh yes, and the walls of the house. looks nice. raked the gardens, looking for some sort of promise, some sort of idea.

oh my. (i whisper with my hand at my heart in a frail way of awe- why did that sound like a harlequin novel line?)

sedum semperverens, creeping phlox (pink i'm guessing), iris bulbs the size of my fist, daffodils, a blue moon hybrid tea rose, more crocuses, and oh my...pulsatilla. many many pulsatilla. i think i'm in love...

and on and on...

didn't do too much yesterday...dropped gaffer off at sitter's, went to B's to get stuff for Bee. then had to go back to town to get gas, then got to Bee's just in time to see the trailer being dropped off at her sight. spent some time digging in ashes and garbage to look for her diamond ring. found some photo albums instead. came back here, ordered pizza. took bee's boys to swimming to find out it was an hour later. bee came and took them. went to bookstore to drink latte. got gaffer. came home. went to homegroup.
today: going to attempt to walk to haircutters for gaffer. in stroller should be about 20 minutes. him walking, maybe longer. haven't had him in stroller in awhile. wonder if it'll work? i'd take the wagon, but the wagon on main street is just too...difficult. may have to impose threats. then while gaffer is sleeping, i have to give up my lovely nap in order to get ready for dinner tonight. going to fancy fance place with hubby and wine-friend to eat. must look fabulous. should probably shower. given it's been 4 least vanilla latte deodorant is working...

Sunday, April 8, 2007

a lovely Easter Sunday

what an awesome day. started with an amazing service by pastor R who had us all in tears about pain that we suffer every day. it's interesting how we try to push it away and say, but so and so has it so much worse than i do. and we forget that God only gives us what we can handle. so does that mean bella and ook can handle so much more than i? that's why i think bella's name is faith. but that's another story. faith and fearless. perfect together. fear brings us doubt. without doubt, we are fearless, without fear, we are faith. makes sense to me.

so we had a total of 20 people for dinner. and i loved every second of it. granted i didn't get to sit much and talk as much as i wanted to. but i loved it. the bustle. dinner being made extremely well. everyone laughing and having fun. the fact that it was blood family and church family together. it made me really happy. i'm exhausted and my feet hurt and my mascara finally smudged on me (atta boy rimmel mascara!), but i am very happy and very content. it's so funny. before i hated having company. i hated having people over. but now...i just want my house filled with laughter and joy and love. i want drop ins. (just not during nap time!) maybe that's why i want a big family? maybe why we got this awesome house?

blessings are funny.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

very proud of me

so the family went to the gym this morning and i was determined this time to do an hour of cardio. half on the weird elliptical thing and half on rowing. so i did it.

well, it's a big deal to me, because i've never done cardio for an hour, except when racing. so i'm proud of me.

and i was even more proud because when i was done, i felt like i could go longer. but i ran out of time.

now to see what happens monday at the gym....

Thursday, April 5, 2007

the gym

huh. so i'm at the gym and there's this girl in front of me, practically racing to get into the change room. so i'm there, getting dressed, unpacking into my locker, and i see her shake out her hair. and then put on some eye shadow. and then some mascara. so i think, ok, maybe she's a trainer. and then she's looking at herself in the mirror, sideways, fixing her shirt, her boobs, her pants. and then she slips on her ipod. shakes her head. and walks out. huh.

saw her later with a guy. working out. guess it was a date.....

i miss the women's gym in barrhaven. why oh why do i go to kanata?

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

a more tired than tired

yah, i'm tired. very very tired. did i mention how tired i am?

rockstar hubby thought it would be a good idea if i joined him in a day of tree-climbing. now before you groan and laugh, it was actually a good idea. i used to tree-climb. i actually went to K college to become (and I am) an arborist. i know how to climb, what to cut, how to cut it. i know how to take a horrific mess and turn into a beauty. however, since i became pregnant threeish years ago, i stopped climbing. so he thought, hey, it would be nice to work with out of shape wife for a day. and i said ok.

we actually had a job at friends of ours, the V's. and the reason this job was chosen was because of the three massive crab apples on the property. now, i loooooove crab apples. crab apples require a gothic look, with a thick, multi stemmed trunk that climbs up cleanly and spreads out into the sky with pops of buds at the ends. i loooooove shaping them. however, because i was getting paid by the hour (hubby charges 20$, i get 5$) i could not take my time and be particular. because i am quite particular when it comes to pruning. almost anal you might say. i say it.

so i got there at 9, having left the house at 7:30, but dropping off the gaffer at the sitters, and then driving for an hour in traffic. which wasn't too bad, given i had a venti decaf soy cinnamon latte to drink. and i got there and i started.

i would like to say i had a blast. i'd like to say it was quick and fabulous. i will say that the entire day involved me climbing up a rickety ladder, having a visor fall repeatedly into my face, my wrists becoming exhausted and swollen from pruning over-use (why have i not been squeezing rocks daily?), i had to climb up onto the roof, (but watch out for hydro lines!) push branches off the roof, climb down the roof onto the ladder (yah, that'll be happening again soon), stepping into very innocent looking mud which went up to my ankle and into my socks, not having packed enough food, and driving home with a smelly lab who had rolled into, i believe, a dead snake. i practically fell asleep at the wheel. thankfully enough i was so tired, that i drove very slowly and managed to miss out on the fender bender that happened right in front of me on H.Club road. so i pushed on to library, got out milo and otis (can i say how much my gaffer enjoyed it when we got home?), stopped to get baked tortilla chips for my somewhat healthy nachos for dinner, stopped at bookstore to retrieve another latte (grande soy no water tazo chai), and looked at books to order from library. came to sitters to find gaffer entirely in blue powder as he chalked the driveway triumphantly. how could i not be proud?

unfortunately i had to cancel on homegroup and got stern stares over phone from C, (but i did call! others had not!) and had a hot hot hot bubble bath and am about to eat. will crash once gaffer stops chirping in bed.

yes, i will do it again.

why? good work out. got to spend time with hubby. got to get much satisfaction from their gorgeous crabs (warning to all of you, don't let them grow past 10 feet), two lattes, and i made a whole 40$ to spend on shoes and makeup. and i made rockstar hubby happy.

Monday, April 2, 2007

spring and memories

so while i was walking in the backyard on saturday, my super awesome rockstar husband picked up all the dog poop by himself! he donned some gorgeous pink rubber gloves and picked it up by hand! (did i mention how much my hubby rocks?!) now my backyard is very very clean. i'm very very happy. i was looking quite closely at the ground, mostly at the plants i had chopped down (having told them if they were going to make it in MY garden, they'd better toughen up), and of course i saw the telltale signs of spring in their buds. i was very pleased (ecstatic actually) to notice that i have MANY peonies coming, MANY tulips, and MANY daffodils. and then i saw her. that perfect little purple piece of proud beauty. my first crocus. now i know that sounds ridiculous of course, yes my mother had crocuses while i was growing up, but it's not the same. the first time i had my own garden i lived in an apartment, and it was insanely beautiful with pansies in the boxes, herbs by the window and large potted perennials that i 'borrowed'. i can't begin to explain how gorgeous it was. i faced south for heaven's sakes. i had a friendly competition with my good friend Zee who lived on the 6th floor (i was on the 2nd) and yes she had vegetables so i guess you could say she won, but mine was waaaaay more beautiful and of course i didn't have problems with pigeons (remember Zee?). my second garden was actually something rockstar hubby built while we were living in our brand new home that rockstar hubby had built with his own two hands. we couldn't afford to get dirt on our property, so he built me boxes. and yes i had many veggies, but very little flowers. and while i cherished the little pansies that would pop up in the spring between the gravel because their lovely seeds had blown the right way in the fall, it wasn't the same. last summer i had another balcony but it was tiny, and in the wind. the flowers always died. the tomatoes were gorgeous and the salad was crisp, but not the same. but now. oh now. i have flowers already planted! i have little buds that are waving their shy hellos at me, welcoming me to their home. and i can tell in a few weeks, it's going to be quite the welcome...