Friday, January 29, 2010


My dad's doing better.
He looks better.
He might be going home today...

that would be good for him...

And I've been sleeping like a log. How nice...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


I haven't written lately for a good reason.
I'm afraid to.

My dad is in the hospital.
He has been for 8 days now.
And we're not really getting any answers.
Well, I'm not.

He went in last Sunday, I'm told, because he had the shakes really badly.
What I have been told is that he has type two diabetes. Normal for his age.
That he has an enlarged prostate. Normal for his age.
He has an abscess on his prostate. Normal for his age.
He's blind in one eye. I guess from the diabetes.
He has a staph infection in his foot. From not treating it properly I guess.
He can't close his left hand...

That's all I know.
He's had so many catscans and mri's and eye exams.
Why don't they have any answers?
Why is he still in the hospital?
I understand he's on major antibiotics because of everything but...

When I went into the hospital to see him, I didn't recognize him in the bed. I argued with RSH that it wasn't him. But it was. His hair was so white and his body so frail.
And I'm ok. Really.
I've asked God not to take him until he's saved.
But that's not something I can really talk to my dad about.

Is there something they just aren't telling me?
I wish I would know.
I know it doesn't seem serious, and it's not when you look at the facts.
But he looks so old.
And so tired.
And I know it's his fault for not taking care of himself. For never going to a doctor. I mean, what do you expect?

And I trust God. I trust God so much.

But that doesn't stop the constant nag, the flitting thoughts that cover over everything I do or say.
It doesn't stop me waking up in 12:44 with a knot in my stomach, wondering what's wrong with him.
It doesn't stop me wondering if he's scared.

Dad's aren't supposed to be scared.

I know people have dads that are sick all over the world. I know that some people have lost their dads due to accidents, sickness or old age. I know people have gone through so much worse than me, have hurt more than me, have gone through hell and back.

But this is MY dad.

And I guess at 12:48 I can finally acknowledge that I'm scared.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


me: What did you make there, bud?

gaffer: it's a robot that turns into a gun.

me: oh, that's neat.

gaffer: His name is Alcohol.

me: What?!

gaffer: It's because his dad used to drink a lot and he made a lot of bad choices...

ah, the pride.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Tree is almost down

But it seems to take 4 days to get it all down. Too lazy I think.

Gaffer's first day back at school. Two conversations I had to record for prosperity.

Gaffer: Hey Haley, want to see the gun show?

Haley: Teacher! Gaffer is talking about guns!

Gaffer: No, the gun SHOW! See? (kisses biceps)

Later on during drama...

Teacher: Ok everyone, let's pretend we're eating Christmas dinner! Ok, now we're all tired because we ate so much!

Gaffer: I'm actually not tired. I ate everything in moderation.

Teacher 2: Did he just say 'moderation'?

Teacher 1: Yes, yes he did.

Ah, the pride!

New ideas spinning around head:

-party ideas for book launch
-where to go for vacation this June. Rent a cottage/condo in Florida? Anywhere hot and near ocean?
-debating buying land and building new house in two years.

The idea of moving doesn't even faze me. I'm so used to it. I mean, the longest I've stayed in a house since I was 18, which would be awhile ago, is 4 years. And that was only one house. The rest of them have meant moving yearly or monthly. But RockStar Hubby is thinking about land. And a home. With a rink. And a pool. And acreage. Should probably fix this one up to par first...

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year

Yes, it's that time of year where everyone blogs about their resolutions, what they'd like to change, blah blah.
Well, I'm doing one too.

I don't really have any resolutions, because I always mess them up. I think I'll call them goals.

1- I want to get down to 135lbs. As of two days ago, it would be 15 pounds to lose. But given it was that time of the month, I may have gained a few. Let me go check right now. Oof. Nope, 150. Too much Christmas junk I think. I begged rockstar hubby to buy me some 10lb weights (yes, I may be a tad over, but I've got the guns already baby. If I wanted to push it, I would have asked for 25 pounders. I'm just saying...bragging) and I have a ball in the basement. No excuses. And for the first time ever, I'm going to write down everything I eat. And cut back on lattes. No really, I know you laugh, but I was up to two a day. So comforting in this cold weather. But RSH has discovered Teaopia and it's amazing! It sounds ridiculous to have a shop just focused on tea, but it has 100 different teas, all loose leaf and I'm happy to tell you that my earl gray that I normally throw 2 tbsp of sugar in, tastes AMAZING without the sugar! So creamy and sweet. I think it's because there aren't any checmicals...regardless, 15 pounds. By April 15th.
2- I want better quiet times with God. So I've set up my library and will be brewing my teaopia and coming in here to attack it with passion. And possibly blog about it now that I have a new notebook upstairs. To write my new book with. Um..
3- Venture out the house more. I've become a bit of a homebody, which means I haven't really been interacting with people, making new friends. Email is way too convenient. So I'm going to try and have coffee with someone new, once a month. At least.
4- Start another book. I have no idea what's going to happen with this one, but it's not even coming out until Christmas. I have eleven months to go. That's 335 days-ish. So do I start the prequel or something entirely different? No idea, but I must write daily.
5- Have an amazing time in Atlanta. I'm so nervous because I don't know what to expect, and being a control-freak that makes me a little crazy, but I'm going to pray for patience and guidance and just have a great time. We're rebuilding homes of people who need God and who need help. I kind of hope I'm cooking again because I love cooking, but we'll see.
6- Have an amazing time in Paris. I'm nervous about that too. So far away. For a week. In a new culture. All alone with RSH. Well, at least he's a grown up. He'll take care of me.
7- Grow up a little. Not too much though. I mean...I'm timid. Wait that doesn't sound right, stop laughing. I want the 'balls' to say 'no' to telemarketers, to say 'no' to things I don't really want to do and to tell friends when they hurt my feelings or do something awful like neglect my birthday or that I even exist. Why do I have friends like that? See #3. And before you get all weird on me, I'm not having a pity party. I just want to be more brave. I hate confrontations and I hate telling me that they've hurt me. This year, I will. Maybe.
8- Drink more tea.
9- Get RSH to read a book. The man will not read. He reads the bible and for that, I'm grateful. He's read my books, all two of them. But I want him to like reading. I broke out the last Harry Potter to bribe him. It's not working. Yet.
10- Try a new recipe a week. Read my cooking magazines and leave the fashion ones alone. For now.
11- Because I need something for the gaffer: teach him flowers this year. Don't ask.

Ok, I have to go because I need to drink my tea and do my quiet time before The Office marathon starts.
Happy New Year