Thursday, December 27, 2007

the joys of Christmas

ah what a time of year. it's usually filled with insane stress and much cookie eating and sometimes too much drinking.
i'm pleased to say it was only filled with a little stress, a lot of cookie eating (seriously, i was sick twice) and not much drinking at all.

went to mom's for Christmas eve dinner and the funniest part was watching gaffer open his presents. he'd open one and then want to play with it for half an hour, so after three gifts, we made him open all of them. but the winner of the day was a large, cheap truck that carries cars in its sides. dinner was chili, provided by chef extraordinare (moi) and then some dessert. i basically ate salad because i wasn't feeling too well (stress?) and then some more playing. my aunt showed up which caused some stress as she refused to acknowledge me, so we left.

after putting the gaffer to bed, rockstar hubby and i exchanged small gifts (as money is disgustingly tight this year) and he received his 'special' present, a vintage, brass Husqvarna chainsaw belt buckle. as well as some Husky shirts and a Husky hat. (hm...some kind of theme here) and i received my lovely silver hoops and a sweater i wanted very much. and two awesome books, 'honey i don't have a headache tonight', and 'to love, honour and vaccum' which i look forward to reading.

Christmas morning was fun as gaffer snored loudly (on purpose) and we videoed him coming down the stairs. it took awhile to open gifts again, but once he opened thomas that puffed steam, the rest of the toys took a back seat. for the past 2 days he's been playing with it, and sleep, and eating and going to the bathroom are causes for tantrums. honestly.

a phone call at 10:30 told us 'dinner' had been moved to 'late lunch' so we hustled our butts out the door. and what a treat. we went to Burb's for lunch, accompanied by Bella and Ook and Sir and Lady Shaw. what a treat. no stress. no insanity in the kitchen. just a 'hey, want somethingto drink?' and everyone fended for themselves. we had the best turkey ever, (brined 24 hours in uh...brine?) way too much gravy ( i was tempted to put some in my pocket and take it home) and my lovely dessert. then we just sat around. how nice. how perfect.

that night rockstar hubby and i had our own party. 'nuff said.

boxing day brought us brunch with bella and ook and we had a lovely time just sitting in the kitchen, talking, eating, drinking. it was perfect. i couldn't imagine a better time.

so now we're back on schedule for the day. rockstar hubby scored a tree job (yay!) and i'm off to the gym and library with gaffer. this afternoon will require a nap i'm sure, and then perhaps to the park as rockstar hubby will be working the next 3 nights. which kinda sucks because i'll be alone, and while i don't mind being alone at night (how else can i catch up on america's next top model on youtube?), company would be nice. however, tomorrow is mum's for Christmas lunch and saturday is another day to write by myself.

pretty good holidays if you ask me...

happy birthday Jesus.

Monday, December 17, 2007

the storm

i am hiding out.
it's 7:46am, and I'm hiding in my house, pretending not to be here.

it snowed yesterday. and when i say it snowed, imean, it snowed. 37cm apparently. i think it was more than that because the snow on our lawn goes up to my waist and i'm not short.
rockstar hubby and i chatted and decided that even though we did not have the funds, we would indeed purchase a snowblower on credit (don't pay until january 09!) as the snowdump we had the week before was exhausting. (mostly on me as he was working longshift)
we also decided that we would bless others with this glorious contraption as no one, and i repeat, no one on our street had one. (actually a neighbour across the street has one but he has no heart as he never offers)
so for two days straight, rockstar hubby has done our driveway, our neighbour S's driveway and our other neighbour J's driveway and across the street at R's. i'm not bragging or anything, this is just part of the story.
S has a son. who is C. he's 32. and he's a piece of work. he has not/did not clean the leaves out of the gutter (r.s.h did) he did not shovel the driveway once for his mother. bad bad man.
this morning at 7am the plow went by. the end of my driveway is 5' high and 7' wide. i'm thrilled. even more so as r.s.h got up at 4am to do everyone's driveway, assuming the plow would have been by, by that time. no such luck. r.s.h had to go to work. he's working until 10:30 tonight for his brother and while i told him to stay at work, as he works tomorrow (and being a firefighter he can sleep there), but no, he decided he would get home at 11:30 and plow everyone's driveway, then go to work the next morning. (yes, my r.s.h is lovely i know)
at 7:05 C's father, S's ex-husband, came by in his truck and noticed the pile up intheir driveway. he thought it best to drive over it a few times with his truck to try and flatten in.
may i mention at this point that 5' high and 7' wide does not flatten?
C decided to back his car out. yes it's stuck. yes, it's now 7:52 and it's still stuck. and i know for a fact that once he is unstuck, he will drive away leaving his poor mother to fend for herself.
i was planning on using the snowblower right away as gaffer is watching rudolf and eating shortbread cookies. however...

i've decided in all of my meanness to wait until C is gone before pulling out the magic machine.
that of course i have no idea how to use.
and my heart is growing guilty as i see R and J shoveling their insane pile-up.
but not guilty enough.
you see, it's -25C out. and my son is done watching tv.

so i'm hiding.

i'm so bad.

Friday, December 7, 2007

no title for today

i know it's been awhile. i feel like not much has happened, but i guess lots has.

with the work cut back for rockstar hubby, he's been home more. which has been lovely, but strange. i find him standing over me as i check my morning e-mail with coffee in hand (soy eggnog latte actually) a little unnerving and rather annoying. i feel as though i need to prove i do more in a day than i actually do, by not letting myself sit down or stop working throughout the day. that got stale real fast.

however, he's been a brilliant dad, taking the gaffer out twice to papa's forest wearing snowshoes and pulling gaffer on gt snowracer with leash around waist. then a quick visit to nana's for cookies, then home for nap. i can live with that. during that time which i can do laundry, do quiet time, or watch America's Next Top Model on youtube. sadly, i am now addicted...however it's amusing to laugh at their immaturity and bad acting skills- and it's amusing to set up my own catwalk and watch my rump sashay back and forth as i strut out my chest in pretend heels to notice i have peanutbutter on my nose or of similar situation as i approach the mirror. ah how reality always kicks in. at least i think it's funny.

have been baking up a storm and have decided that strange-looking gingerbread beings that are slightly burnt must taste better than perfect ones. have sadly accepted that i am not martha stewart. am consoling self by eating another deranged cookie. poor thing has 3 eyeballs.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

belt tightening

it's that time of year.
time to tighten the belts.
however, it's come a little early to the rockstar family household.
which of course makes me a tad uncomfortable.
thankfully, we have the gaffers' gifts already bought and we've decided that friends will just have to receive yummy baked goods for gifts. and i've already bought rockstar hubby's gifts on line so we can't return them. (i bought him a husqvarna belt buckle, a husqvarna hat and husqvarna t-shirt...see the theme?)
and i am happy to accept that my gifts will be purchased in march/april when the tree business picks up again.
good-bye starbucks and lovely lattes, i will only be frequenting once a week.
good-bye cheap clothes from joes, i will make mine last until spring.
good-bye eating take-out, i will have to be less lazy.
good-bye pointless trips to town, i'll just have to find something else to do.
good-bye worries. I'm trusting God on this one.

just stand.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


“…and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6:13

After you have done everything.
I guess that means everything.
Everything you can possibly think of,
Everything you can physically do,
Everything that anyone can suggest to you.
Everything that GOD has asked you to do.
To stand.

Just stand there.
Do nothing.
Don’t think
Don’t act
Don’t worry
Don’t complain
Don’t argue
Don’t do anything.
Just stand.

Stand and wait.
Stand and pray.
Stand and trust.
Stand and have peace.
Stand and rest.

Let GOD take care of it.

Let Him do what He needs to do.
Let Him take control of the situation.
Let Him tell you what to do.
Let Him make you wait.

Just stand.

“The LORD will fight for you; you need only be still.” Exodus 14:14

Monday, November 12, 2007

Standing up for what's right

(why is the gaffer not sleeping yet??!!!!) sorry, just a sidenote. it frustrates me when he doesn't sleep.

ok. so i agreed to do this play. i was excited about doing a play. very very excited. i was excited because it's a gritty/serious/dark humour/poverty play. and i got to grab a part without auditioning. i was very excited.

and then i read it.

oh dear.

it depressed me. it angered me. it made me feel sick to my stomach. the joke in it was absolutely awful! i...had to email the director and say no. and state my reasons. they were so personal. and no i did not have the guts to call her on the phone. just thinking of the reasons alone made my face very red and my stomach churn so loudly i thought i was going to be sick.

but i said no.

i know it's a brilliant opportunity and i know that i would have learned so much from her, a professional director.

but i said no.

and i don't regret a thing.
i don't care if she's angry or if the rest of the players' group is mad at me and i don't care if i lose friends over it.

i said no.

yay, me.

Thursday, November 8, 2007


of course i'm procrastinating! i'm tiiiired! whine.
i've managed to go through 7 boxes and i'm pleased to announce, i'm only keeping 2 of them. actually, i'm keeping 3, but 2 of them are Christmas stuff and i'm not throwing that out! i've organized some of my 'craft' drawer and i've discovered a book called 'the cool girls guide to crocheting'. yes i have tried it before, and i'm absolutely terrible at it. apparently it's supposed to be easier than knitting, but given i'm a wreck at knitting too, it doesn't help.
the sun is shining and it's freezing outside and i'm listening to iggy pop trying to get more motivation. and do the laundry. the house is a mess but today is purging day and at around 1:30, i will be stopping and heading for the local lovely starbucks (well, not that local, they haven't built here yet and when they do i'll have to get a job to feed my habit) and just relaxing and sitting. because on tuesday i did some relaxing and sitting and i'm proud to announce that i did some major editing of my book.
and i added more chapters of my other book.

watched the scotiabank giller prize last night.
what pompousity! (is that a word?)
everyone bragging about what they've done, what tv show they did, how great an actor they are blah blah blah. i made rockstar hubby promise to slap me if i ever bragged about myself on stage or in person. and to NOT wear what the 'fashion' people tell me to wear. what a bunch of yawning, boring people. ech. i'm only going to travel in the Christian writers circles and if invited to silly pompous parties, i do believe i will invite my close friends B and Bee as they are always good for a laugh and i can brag about how much higher their IQ is than mine. especially B's daughter. how embarassing that she beat me. but i still maintain the defense that i did it at 10pm and i was barely awake and pretty much skipped the end of it thinking i could go back and redo it.

could i procrastinate more??? oh yes i can. but i won't.

Monday, November 5, 2007

shoes, wine, ex-boyfriends and sushi

ok, so i had purchased my fabulous new shoes on thursday. and i love them. and what's even more interesting, is they are heels. like 3 inches. and i don't normally wear heels. they hurt my feet. i can't run in them. etc. so when i finally found a pair i liked, i bought em.
when i put them on with my nylons yesterday, i discovered that the back of my heel kept popping out as i walked. were they too big? they kinda fit at the store. i mean, the 9's are a little big, but the 81/2's were just tight. so i chose up. that's what you do right? so i called a friend a she recommended i put a band-aid over my stockings, over my heels. and it worked.
so we got to the food and wine show (my birthday present) and it was packed. our wonderful lovely friend A who is a wine-guru, got us in because he's lovely and likes us. so as rockstar hubby purchased wine tickets i went to the bathroom to add toilet paper to the inside toe of my shoe so i'd stop sliding. (is this seriously what it takes to be a woman?!) and as i left a woman looked briefly down at my shoes and said, 'cute shoes'. !!!!!!!????? i have NEVER been told i had cute shoes. and i have to say, i looooooved the compliment. i never understood the whole shoe movement thing until last night. i had brilliant shoes on and i looked HOT! (and not just because of the shoes)
so we got our tickets and toured around to various, various, way too many wine stalls. i didn't want to listen to the pourer person yammering on about oak and barrels and gooseberries so i'd just smile my confident smile, hand them my glass and say 'pinot noir' or 'sauvignon' and just smile. and then they wouldn't explain. and that's good because it was too loud to hear, and i didnt' really care. if i liked it, i asked questions. if i didn't. i walked away.
so here's a briefy of what we tried and what i think you, dear reader, should buy:
Gamay Noir VQA - the Grange of Prince Edward (lavender and red currant notes); this is super good. you drink it and then the aftertaste is very...i thought raspberry, but it's currant. it's good. and about 10$
Semillon-Sauvignon Yellowtail - the most common yellowtail is the shiraz i believe, and they've come out with 4 new 'flavours'. the semillion is unbelievable. i don't normally like white and i detest chardonnay (most of the time) but this is amazing. it's apple, pear and gooseberry. it is so clean and crisp and if you were thirsty, it would quench it without a weird aftertaste. about 12$
um...i tried a cabernet that had won gold for a cab over 30$ and i would not recommend it. i didn't even take a card.

then i got to try champagne! our lovely friend let us try a glass (16 tickets! that's 8$ for an ounce!) for free. was ok. i dont' see what the big deal is. it reminded me of...uh...nothing. i wouldn't buy it. i couldn't afford to buy it.

then i turned around to my name being called. and i had no idea who it was until i saw his eyes. my ex. my serious-ex. the one i was debating marrying and we agreed we'd marry and move to bc ex. but he looked very different. but his eyes were the same. so i met his wife. and we chatted. and it was weird because as i talked to them, they kept saying 'oh you know how they are' and 'well, you know how great the boat was' so it was awkward but it seemed they didn't mind. but then i remembered he and i had been together for a long time and his wife probably knew a lot about me. then she told me that he had some books with my writing on them (still!) and she wanted to send them to me. i told her to go ahead and throw them out. the best compliment i got was when i said i had a 3 year old and she 'checked' me out. that felt good. then they dragged us over to MCO. (ihave no idea what that stands for. but their slogan is "interesting wine and spirits".
so we tried:
Bodegas Martin Codax Burgans: ( i have no idea what that means but here's the description of the bottle and contents): orange bottle, green celtic style label. Albarino: delicious white wine, hints of flowers, peaches and apricots, 1/2 way between Viognier and Riesling. about 17$. wow. it was amazing!!! brilliant. wow. good clean white. crispy.

ok, now the food: (could this blog be longer?)
hot peppers expressive thai cuisine on somerset and lyon. i got a chicken curry with rice. brilliant!!! yum!!!
then we had sante restaurant spring rolls and peanut satay chicken. wow.

ok, so now my feet are killing me! we graciously excuse ourselves from the ex and wife and grab lovely friend and he takes our car to wasabi. sushi restaurant.

i was very nervous. i think the wine helped. he ordered, um. soybeans.
they look like peas in the pod. and he sprinkled salt on them. and then you're supposed to put it in your mouth, squeeze with your teeth and the bean pops out. wow. is it ever good! the pod is a little fuzzy so it feels funky on your teeth. but it's fun when it pops out, and it tasted like peanuts. really!
then the sushi. uh. well, there was tuna, salmon, eel and crab. despite the sauce, i felt like vomiting. i couldn't eat it. i tried it all and i kept it in my mouth and i didn't gag, but it was close. poor lovely friend A! he was so excited for us to try it. and i think he was disappointed. but i stopped eating and i didn't get food poisoning so it's ok.
he's coming for supper tonight where we'll have french onion soup, bread, olives, blue cheese (of course!) and some serious birthday cake.
rockstar hubby and gaffer bought me a belgian chocolate cake. may i just say that it weighs 1.5 kilograms. not pounds, kilos. isnt' that insane??
ok, i gotta clean my house and haul my cookies to the gym to burn off all the calories from yesterday....

Sunday, November 4, 2007


i am needed by my family.
i am needed by my friends.
i am needed by my church.

i am the gaffer's best friend.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

My special day

happy birthday to me!
ok, so this is the part where i do some thinking.
i'm glad to be 34. it sounds like such a sophisticated age. and i don't feel it. but i do. i don't think i'd want to go back to my 20's. they were hard. of course my teen years were even harder.
so, the way i mark the milestones on my b-day, is to make a list of the brave things i've done in my year.
and they are as follows, in the order that i remember them:
-went into an art show
-displaying my art at a restaurant
-entered a 3-day novel writing contest
-endured another move to another new house
-gave God control over having more kids
-entered and came in 5th in an Urban Challenge race
-went to counselling
-made my own money through a garage sale in which i purchased the dirt pig and did a landscaping project with which i have yet to spend the money
-joined the womens' ministry at church
-made amends with someone i was mean to
-made girlfriends
-wrote a novel and mostly completed another one
-learned how and am still learning how to let go of control
-got closer to God but still needs lots of work
-realized that i am needed.

let's see what brave things i can do this year.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Rest, Contentment and Peace i'm supposed to figure out how to achieve these. because apparently, i am without rest, contentment and peace in my heart. and i believe it. how fabulous of pastor T to point that out.
so now i'm supposed to ask God for rest, peace and contentment. and then just let it happen.
i'm supposed to just be. just be serendipity. just be His daughter. nothing else. no obligations. no routine. no...not being me.
maybe i was trying too hard?
anyone got any verses on these 3?

Monday, October 29, 2007

3 years old and he's broken my heart

now i realize i shouldn't have been reading 'anne of green gables' at 11 o'clock at night. and i do realize i probably shouldn't have been reading the part where marilla laments that anne is moving away and i definitely shouldn't have read the chapter where matthew dies. i'm such a gluttony for punishment.
and so i bawled.
and i couldn't stop.
my poor rock-star husband woke up, very startled indeed, and with his eyes shut yelled out, 'what is the matter?' and me inbetween my pathetic sobs could not help but say, 'it's stupid'. and then i got the lecture about how nothing i think or say is stupid. and then i told him.
"sob, sob, i don't want to get older! i don't want anything to change! i don't want the gaffer to grow up because he'll move away and he won't be in the house everyday and he'll stop talking to me all the time and sob sob sob."
after a prolonged silence of my quivering lip sobs and my shoulders shaking dramatically, i let out a loud snort as i tried to clean the snot from my nose and rock-star hubby says, 'i might seem like i'm sleeping but i'm listening you know'.

and my heart was broken. i wanted to rush into the gaffer's bedroom and wake him up and hug him and cry over him and tell him never to leave me.
oh how tragically pathetic!

i really, really need to stop reading anne of green gables. for goodness sakes i'm starting to talk like her.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

sniff, sniff

can you smell it?
it's around the corner, lurking, playing games with my excitement.
i first discovered it a few weeks ago, but paid no attention. i pushed on. 'too early' i thought and moved away.
but yesterday the dollarama opened in our town. (a very big deal in a town of 9300)and the ailes were full of...
oh the excitement.
i can't stop thinking about it.
getting the tree and decorating it. Christmas music (the most feel good songs ever!), the thousands of Christmas lights all over the house, the warm fires, the hot chocolate or red wine, the baking, the turkey, the pies, the ornaments, the presents, the big thick lovely snowflakes that swirl in the dark sky and kiss your nose...
i can smell it.

so i'm listening to Bing sing, and folding my laundry, looking out at a rainy day.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

my bio

my lovely friend B wrote this lovely bio for my lovely art display....i will be posting it with a pic of me wearing fake teeth.

"Serendipity is really a writer. So grab the paintings before she's famous and they cost way too much. Thank you.

She is an avid garden goddess with an eye drawn to the colours of nature (not the boring brown ones. And certainly not that puce colour. I mean, really, who would like a colour that sounds so close to puke?).

People either love her paintings, or they like brown and puce.

And she's B's friend. B is an aspiring bio writer."


well, it's the song i'm listening to. and i'll tell you right now, i haven't the foggiest what it means. except it has a pretty wicked beat that's awesome for running a 7.0 mile/hour on the treadmill. although i'm not running at the moment because that would be a pretty impressive feat, running, blogging and listening to music. i'd probably make guiness book. i hate that book. don't even get me started on that silly thing.
the funk seems to have disappeared for the moment.
the mornings have been routine, with the gaffer waking at 7am and then returning to bed after a few minutes for being rude or disagreeable or stamping his foot at me. (i'm afraid dance class taught him stamping and he calls it stepping at me as if that would get him out of trouble) it's definitely worth being on top of everything and jumping at every bad display of behaviour, but holy cow is it ever exhausting! but, i have some things to look forward to so i'm rather pleased.
tomorrow he's going to the sitter's and at 2pm i need to be at the ballygiblin's pub in order to hang my paintings. through some strange fluke or God (probably the latter), i got an email from arts club and she asked me to display at the pub. i called her and said i was thrilled to be asked (as i am not known and am not asked to do anything, ever) and she said that the artist who was to be there cancelled at the last minute and when she discussed it with the owner, he suggested me. ( i have no idea how he knew i did that, but we are 'acquaintance/friends') so now i get to hang my pics. i'm...very...nervous. but the worst that could happen is no one likes them right? right.
but my walls are going to be very empty. quite frustrating, but that happens when you're in demand...ha!
friday night hubby is going away for spiritual weekend with the boys and while i will miss him terribly, the gaffer and i will be attending 4 bazaars in c.p. so that will be fun.
and i've been writing Christmas cards for the members at church and i've get to find encouraging verses and listen to Christmas music, so how could that not put me in a good mood?
and there are so many...plans coming up. can't reveal yet.
no i'm not pregnant.

and this afternoon i get to visit b and i haven't seen her forever, so now i'm super excited.
and hopefully next week i'll get to see bee because i haven't seen her forever either. and how can a girl go without seeing good friends? it's enough to make one crazy.

and we're having pesto salmon for supper.
and later...roquefort and wine. oooooohhh!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

compacting? i just read a blog from lovely friend and am considering doing the 'compact for mamas' thing.
which basically is, it seems to me:
-not buy anything new (with exception of health, tissue, and food local as possible)
-reuse what you can
-throw away stuff to de-clutter home.

i'll write more when i figure it all out.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

funk..funky, funk

i make light of it you know, because it is rather funny when you think of it, much later on.
but i am in a funk.

yes, i know i do not have a right to be. i've had many, many amazing things happen to me, not the least being spending time with God.

but i am so...funk.

i've been making myself watch grey's anatomy videos so i can at least do some crying that makes sense, instead of just crying for no good reason. and i must say that blue cheese, olives, grapes and wine taste great with tears. now i'll try chocolate tonight.

why the funk? i only have a few ideas
1-i haven't been away since june. ever since inSPIRE i've needed to go away every two months to reconnect, refocus and reprioritize things. and spend time with God. quietly. at a retreat that makes me yummy, healthy food. where i can sleep as much as i want, walk anywhere i want and look at anything i want.
2- i always get this way this time of year. no idea why. it started...uh...7 years ago when i was diagnosed with depression. thankfully and blessedly, it went away after 6 months. but still funk.
3- trying to do too much. i don't 'feel' like i'm doing too much, but let me write it out and i'll see: shower this friday night at my house, husband not home much lately (obvious for funk), marriage conference at end of november and am helping recruit for it, women's ministry thing on nov 26th, possible shopping date with mom-in-law on my b-day that i don't really want to go to because i can't bloody afford anything in that silly town but it's time together and that she would like, oh yeah, trying to reorganize the house. moving the sitting room into the dining room, the dining room into one end of the living room, but i'm missing my sun room terribly but it's bloody cold in there and will just get worse because the floor isn't insulated and probably isn't a good idea for gaffer to play in there, but i want it back. moving stuff around. trying to throw things out. supposed to write a drama for church function but really really don't want to.
ok, this doesn't sound like much. i'm such a whiner. or is it a winer?
4- still no baby. i don't want one anymore. i have too much i want to do now. lie lie lie.
5-i want to just sit somewhere, uninterrupted and just stare. i stopped at chapters today on my day off (you'd think i'd be recharged but instead i'm just more tired) and i sat there for half an hour staring at nothing. and i thought about nothing. it was brilliant.

or this could all be self-pity. in which case, stop reading so that you'll not think differently of me.

i'm going to listen to moody music now and be all moody while i clean my house.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Roquefort - I'm in love!!!

The mold that gives Roquefort its distinctive character (Penicillium roqueforti) is found in the soil of the local caves. Traditionally the cheesemakers extracted it by leaving bread in the caves for six to eight weeks until it was consumed by the mold. The interior of the bread was then dried to produce a powder.

Roquefort is made from the milk of the Lacaune breed of sheep. It is produced throughout the département of Aveyron and part of the nearby départements of Lozère, Gard, Hérault and Tarn. This area of France is notable for its limestone geology, which dictates what species of grass and wildflowers grow upon it, and thus influences the taste of the milk.

info from internet. wikipedia i think.

i don't know what to tell you. i bought some roquefort the other day to have with rockstar hubby as a snack. (no i didn't eat it on him, just to eat together! yeesh! i love cheese but not that much!) i cut up some fresh organic olive bread, put out some crackers (which were crappy), some almonds, some red grapes and some brilliant red wine from Cattail Creek which is the new lovely winery my lovely winery friend started with his lovely winery wife. if you're ever in the niagara region, i highly recommend stopping by and purchasing a case. you won't regret it. anyways!
i cut a piece with my knife, and it smeared beautifully onto the bread. and i took a bite. oh my gosh.

promise me all of you reading this will go buy some this week and try it!!! it is unbelievable! it is now my new bedtime snack! forget doritos! forget sour cream and chives miss vickie's chips! forget badly salted cheap chips in a thick dip! forget, dare i say it? forget chocolate! this is my new snack!
and i know it has many calories, and i know i am seriously limited by my lactose intolerance (how unfair! how unjust!) but what better way to eat something high in calories that is all natural? you MUST try it!

as a sidenote. we took the gaffer to see ratatouille. brilliant. the rats creeped me out. but do you know what i fell in love with?
the food.
the explanation of the food. seeing the herbs added. the scallops, the tomatoes, the CHEESES!
i must get myself to paris immediately.

yah like that'll happen soon.

Saturday, October 13, 2007


oh yes, i am excited and crazy and thinking and insane and deleriously pleased.

rockstar hubby has struck again.

my lovely man, along with the season's grey's anatomy cd to watch in hot tubbie with laptop (on counter, not in tub) provided a lovely polka dotted bag with tissue paper as well.
i opened it.

isn't this killing you?

it was a book.
yes, another book.

"Literary Agents 2007"

oh yes.
a book chok full of agents, what they are looking for, how to contact them, what they can do for me etc...
oh yes.
and so as i gleefully read the beginning of the book on 'how to use this book' there were many opinions from president of companies, agents etc and i found two of them, read TWO OF THEM that were from a Christian based publishing company, AND it looks like they would be the ones to send my book to.

oh yes. i am being encouraged. and i feel awesome.
now if only i could get my *ahem* friends who offered to read and polish my manuscript, to get on it!
perhaps lattes all around?

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

and so on.

ok, so lunch went really well. i was exhausted at the end of it, and i unknowingly did not wear shoes for the entire time i was in the kitchen standing up (about 6 hours) so i was hurtin' pretty bad. but some lovely red wine from my very good friend A's vineyard (Cattail Creek) and some blue cheese and i was right as rain again. speaking of blue cheese for a moment, i picked up some roquefort at farm boy today. only a sliver because a sliver is 4$ but just enough to wet my palette and perhaps tempt my blue cheese 'fix' that i require every so often.

what i'm thankful for:
-my family. i can't imagine a better family. my rockstar hubby who always thrills me, loves me and makes me crazy and the gaffer who i want to strangle and smother with kisses at the same time. he's seriously my heart walking around outside of my body.
-God. He should have been first in the list. i can't imagine life without Him now.
-my friends. i have really good friends. friends that are Christians too. friends who put up with me and let me put up with them. friends who forgive me when i stick my foot in my mouth (sometimes both, and quite frequently) and friends who don't mind my insane silliness. and friends who don't mind when i call for prayers.
-being a stay-at-home mom. i love it. i hate it. i love it. i hate it.etc.
-my gifts. i love that i can write. and create. and cook. and eat.
i could go on, but i won't. because today's blog is really about:

is there anything sweeter (for the moment) than watching the chickadee's eat with gusto at your feeder? i love it. i love their peeping. and i don't mind the annoying pigeons/doves whatever who eat the bits off the ground. they just need not come calling at 5am.

going to sit in front of the fire now and debate the best way to try making dal. delicious!

Monday, October 8, 2007

thanksgiving monday

so the art show didn't go as well as i had hoped. actually, it didn't go well at all. i think it may have been badly publicized which may factor in the lack of people coming in to see it. and it seemed as though no one was selling anything. so now what? maybe an art show in may. i'll keep painting. although it may be time to work on the writing.
36 people for lunch. i must be out of my mind. my poor rockstar hubby was up many times throughout the night to check on the turkey, as it turns out with the fabulously wonderful pop in the oven frozen kind, they require about 6 hours of cooking. the oven was turned on at 1:45pm yesterday, and was turned off this morning at 2:45am. my goodness. and of course the gaffer waking up to monsters in his bed didn't help either. and then rsh had to get up at 6am to return so-called motorcycle and come home again to help set up.
i had decided not to make pies as was my original plan. my job. my part. as i was not supposed to be making the turkey, and ended up with that job. too much oven work. if everyone else does not bring their fair share of food, they'll have to stop at Timmy's on the way home.
i am however, allowing myself a run this morning as it has occured to me many times, and so much more last night after a dinner of club sandwich and fries, that i am not good to my body.
"...let us purify ourselves of everything contaminating to the body and spirit, in pursuit of holiness in reverence for GOD".
everything contaminating.
more on that tomorrow.
happy thanksgiving.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

the reason rockstar hubby is a rockstar

he's not really a rockstar.
i just want to make that clear.
but he rocks my world and he's amazing at so many things, i can't help but shout out at the top of my lungs, "you're a rockstar!". is there a higher compliment?
(given that you are not referring to the person as a drugged out, washed out, shaving their head, non-panty wearing freak. i mean the cool rockstar)


yesterday was a surprise date. i'm not used to surprises. infact, i usually hate them because i am such a control freak. (no don't argue with me here, i know it's true and i'm working on it)
but i let him surprise me.
gaffer went to mominlaws (lovely lady) and we climbed aboard a borrowed motorcycle. very nice. i made sure i looked the biker chick part of course, with dark red lips, little tank top and tight jeans with hair flowing everywhere. and he looked pretty hot with his messy gray hair.
after having my butt numbed for an hour, we went into the glebe. i snagged a power bar from the running room. then we drove somemore. and we pulled up to a club. a tennis, lawnbowling, pool club. a swanky one, in the glebe.
we were going to play tennis.
i know this sounds ridiculous, but i have always wanted to play tennis. and he and i had decided that we would never be a 'golf couple' because neither of us can stand it. ( i must brag at this moment, that i am most excellent at golf, but i find it bloody boring) so we decided we'd be a tennis couple. and so we played tennis.

and i looooooved it.

it was amazing! the quick running, the quick stopping, the smashing the ball, your muscles screaming at you, the laughter, missing the ball...i loooved it. i'm addicted.

we were then supposed to go to wakefield, but given it would be an hour and 40 minute drive home on the bike, i said no. my butt hurt enough and my neck was rather sore from keeping my head still in the harsh wind. (it was rather windy on the highways yesterday) so i opted for a nap. and i napped. i haven't been able to nap in forever. too much in my brain. so i napped.
then we climbed into the car, grabbed a starbucks and toured bayshore. i love walking and talking and malls.
and then pizza for dinner.

i am reminded so many times of his love for me. he's amazing. to the vogues and glamour magazines he surprises me with, to lattes, surprise dates, flowers...surprises...
i totally scored on this one.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

my hair

i'm not usually a vain girl. except for when i really am. and i am working on that. it's not so much a clothes issue as it is a hair, face and physique issue. i'm working on that too.
so i went to get my hair 'done'.
i don't usually get my hair done. infact, i am one of those annoying girls who gets her hair cut maybe twice a year when it's really pissing her off because it's always in her face and her rockstar husband doesn't want her to cut it...but i digress.

so i went in to my favourite chop shop and asked for an all over colour. due to ponytails and our stranger weather system, i have three colours in my hair. the roots are mousy brown, the middle is reddish, and the ends are wheat. and it's cute and all, but enough. so she recommended brown. everyone's doing brown now. it's the new thing. brunettes.
i sighed. i'm not a fashion fad girl. i just want clothes to fit. and that look good.
so she pulled out a folder of l'oreal's new selection of 'chocolates'. that's what it's called. no really. you can get white chocolate, caramel, dark chocolate blah blah blah.
she kept pointing out browns, and they all looked, well, brown. so i turned to her and said,
let's go as dark as i can without looking silly.

she showed me a colour of brown. i said, just put it on. and she did. and then she dried it. and then she cut it.

i am so impressed.

i look very cool. my eyes are now a lovely shade of green (instead of baby diarrhea colour), my cheeks are pink and i look...thinner?
love it. love it. loooooove it.

and i could not figure out for the life of me why people are starting to talk to me now. it's like i'm back in university again and i have my green hair....

but that's another story....

Monday, September 24, 2007


yes, i did blog about how wonderful the cottage is. and i did include absolutely breathtaking photos. pretty good for a place that is so dinky and cute. however...

we went up thursday. after many hours of trying to pack our car. we finally got there. it was stunning. it was beautiful. the leaves are starting to change. you can smell the pine needles and the lake in the same smell.
and then we opened the cottage cupboards...mice turds. everywhere. oh dear.

after i convinced rockstar hubby to do some thorough cleaning, we checked out the other cottage. mouse turds. everywhere. oh dear.

so we unpacked. i tried to relax.

we had a lovely time. except i had a cold so nothing tasted good. not even the lulu wine we were drinking. what a waste! all i wanted was soup and apple juice. so i ate copious amounts of chocolate instead. it didn't satisfy.

saturday night.
i made sure the gaffer was tucked in and asleep and went for a pee. then we walked over to the other cottage (10' away) and visited with B and D and after one hour, came back to go to sleep. oh look, a mouse turd on the toilet. interesting. i started to hyperventilate. i can do this, i thought. no biggie.
we climb into bed, say our prayers and kiss good night. just as my mind is drifting towards dreamland, rockstar hubby bolts up and is clawing at his face.
oh dear.
a mouse had been walking on his face.

we got out of bed. he looked at me. i shook my head.

we packed.

we got home at 12:30am.

i had nightmares all night of mice climbing on me. which worsened my cold.

yuck. this needs to be fixed.

p.s: took nyquil and rubbed my feet with vicks and had a sweaty sleep all night. i slept well, but sweaty. it was good. need more sleep though.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

the cottage

been going there since i was born.
it absolutely blows my mind that it's been in the family for 3 generations. my dad grew up there and he played with rockstar hubby's uncle and mom. (yes, that's how we met. cheesy, isn't it?) and now i get to bring the gaffer up.

i loved the cottage. well, sometimes. i only had my brother to play with. i'd wake up, spend the morning reading harlequin romances (i know, i know), eat lunch, swim, sunbathe, play at the beach, collect little shells and old beer caps to make a barbie house with food and plates. of course as i got older all i wanted to do was sunbathe and read.

but now we are blessed to be part of two cottages. well, technically, more rockstar hubby's cottage. and that smell. that smell of the lake on a windy day. the smell of white pine trees swaying in the breeze. the variety of red maple, sugar maple, red oak, burr oak, ironwood, basswood, white pine, yew, white spruce, white's heaven. and now the leaves are changing and their falling leaves will be all over the road and i'll feel again like i'm in another world.

how could i possibly let it go?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

just updating

when does life slow down? why are there all these jobs to do? i have a theory that if i lived somewhere different, where the days were pretty much the same temperature-wise, then i would have less work. i don't even live on a farm, or in a forest. i live on waaay less than an acre. and yet my gardens have been neglected. and i have been uninspired. yet...
i managed to get a bit of ministry work done. i got to read two chapters of philip yancey's 'prayer' that rockstar hubby left in a gift bag with my name on it at my favourite coffee house this morning. (he dropped it off last night on the way to work. now you know why he is rockstar hubby). but it all went to crap when i went to art class and haaaaated my paintings. so uninspired. so ugly. the colours were awful. i think it's because they were teeny canvases. i figured i'd do smaller ones because then maybe they'd sell better. but they're so...there's no soul. no me in them. so i bought new canvases and i'm having a heck of a time getting the pics drawn on. it's like i've forgotten how. and i'm not bloody tracing it. that's cheating to me. blech.

we go to the cottage on thursday. and i can't wait to get out of here. but first i have to plan and pack everything first. sigh. alone. beautiful, lovely, rockstar hubby went to work yesterday at 3:30 and won't be home until thursday morning. i'm a tad lonely.

gaffer is hilarious. man i love that kid. rockstar hubby taught him how to make the 'love'sign with his hand and fingers and yell "wooooo". i'm so proud.

richard simmons is awesome. i tried his 'dance your pants off' tape. and it was great. he's really not that creepy. just watch his tape. he's so sincere, so encouraging that he's genuine. but, due to all the dancing about, my knees were not tended properly with all the bouncing and it caused me some pain. whereas just plain running, or elipticing (?) keeps me focused on my knees and hips to prevent injury. but he's so gosh darn fun! decisions, decisions.

met with a friend the other night. haven't seen her in over 15 years. and we talked. and it was great..but...i'm different now. why didn't i stick up for what i believed in? why did i just let words slide? i'm kicking myself now, but who's to say what i believe (what God wants me to believe ) isn't right? because it's not popular. they need a book on how to explain homeschooling or private schools to people who just don't get it. do these things protect my child? yup. who else is going to protect him? that's what i should have said. it's my job to protect him. to do my best to make sure that he's safe. not just throw him out there, show him everything and hope he deals with it.
i'm about to rant, so i'll stop here.

blah blah. i'm going to bed.
pray for inspiration for me.

Friday, September 14, 2007

oh so proud of me

i haven't made money in over 4 years. working for rockstar hubby doesn't count because he pays me a measly 5$/hour and that mostly funds my latte addiction. however, he has a point in that it helps the family out by me helping instead of paying someone else 20$. and i agree with him. however.

i had the opportunity to design a landscape plan for a friend's parents. honestly? i thought they kinda felt sorry for me and tried me out to see what i could come up with.
about 8-10 hours later (approximately a month went by as i was so busy learning how to clean) i came up with the plan.
i never worked so hard on a plan in my life. i was very detailed, i was insanely perfect. i made mistakes, i fixed them, i changed it three times. and then it was finished.
i didn't sleep much last night because i was afraid. what if they didn't like it? what if it really was terrible? what if i've lost my gift of the garden goddess? etc.

and then i met with them today.

this couple is so serious when you meet them. they don't talk much. so i sat down at their table and i showed them all 5 pages of notes and drawings. they just nodded.

and then i asked if they like it.

they loved it. they were thrilled. she said, 'you put a lot of work into this, and it's amazing and i love it'.
so i was very very happy and relieved.
and then they asked how much.
i was very nervous on this part, because i didnt' know what to charge. so i asked if a 5$ off per hour of normal fee was ok. it wasn't.
they paid me full price.

i made money.

i am a professional now.

i am so proud of myself.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

guilt, guilt, guilt

so i took the gaffer to a new childcare at a new gym. i thought it would go well. two minutes after i dropped him off i check in on him, and he's in time out because he hit a child.
15 minutes later the girl comes to get me because he was sitting quietly and then just reached out and hit another kid inthe face...i was told if he did it again, he'd be asked to leave...

talk about embarassment!

i did have a talk with him. i stressed the rules and how it wasn't very nice and that his new present would be taken away if he did it again. he was a good boy for the rest of the visit...
but why?

the gaffer is so...not violent. usually. i mean, he gets picked on by other kids. yesterday at the sitters, he was pushed twice by two different kids that were younger than he was. is he acting out? is he frustrated?
i wish so much i could get through to him that some kids are just pushy. some kids want to be bossy. but he doesn't have to play with them. that grown ups are there to help him. that he is very much loved and he doesn't have to put up with that.

then the fears come to surface, as they normally do i suspect as a mom.
what if he becomes reclusive and is bullied all through school?
what if he turns and becomes violent because he's had enough?
what if he's super mean to the next child we want to have?
what if he doesn't feel enough love from us?
what if we're failing as parents?

and so it begins.
why am i taking this so personally? i know that there are some crazy kids out there and it has nothing to do with their parents. but the gaffer is normally a very well behaved kid. he's funny, he's affectionate, he's sweet, calm, laughs all the time...

i just want so much for him. like any parent does. i want him to be happy. to know true joy. to know God and chase after Him for the rest of his life. i want him to have good close friends, a joyful and fulfilling life.

how on earth am i going to be able to let him go?

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

and so on...

what can i say? my life is boring.
i've been spending nights with rockstar hubby watching taped versions of the finale of 'so you think you can dance' (neil didn't win???) and learning to organize my house. why oh why is it so hard? i finally got the bedroom clean. i *think* it's organized? i'm not sure yet. maybe a few more drawers....

been trying to get more paintings done for the art show in 4 weeks.

just got a package in the mail to promote the marriage conference coming up at the end of november.

am looking longingly at my two stories that i wrote so i can edit and add. but i'm witholding. am waiting one month to get new ideas.

have planned a landscape plan for a friend and am agonizing over what to charge...

and so on...

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

new paintings

i did it!

ok, i did it and i'm very happy.
it was so hard. saturday was awful. i wrote 8 pages. sunday was better. monday was brilliant. i wrote 68 pages. and it's actually pretty good. i'm rather pleased with myself. however, i don't want to win. because winning means you get published and as much as i would loooooove to be published, this is 'the' book, and it needs a lot more work and i have yet to include how God worked in my life to heal me. this book so far is way too secular for my liking. so perhaps i'll get second and win the 1000$ prize? or maybe it's all a scam? who knows. who cares. i've got rights over it, so it's ok.
i'm debating posting the chapters on my blog. perhaps i'll see if anyone wants to read it yet?

trying to get back to normality. am learning how to organize my home. i didn't know it was so hard, yet so easy. i need to live in a state of 'that thing is exactly where it should be', instead of, 'it's over here, under the thing with that other thing unless i took it with me to the bathroom'.

learning learning learning
am loving my new bike.
now i need to paint.

oh wait, i must post my paintings!!

Friday, August 31, 2007

busy time

so i'm in this writing contest this weekend. a three day writing contest. three days to write a novel...
what on earth am i going to write about?

i started a short story about my grandmother awhile ago, called 'the blue suitcase'. i'm wondering if i can take it, dissect it and expand on it...another 100 pages perhaps? is that even possible? i've never had so much time to write before in one sitting. it's rather...nerve racking.
but i figure i'll be parked at my favourite writing spot in starbucks, i'll have a friend with me, who is competing as well. i'll pack my workout clothes in case i need some energy and the gym is so close by. i'll pack nuts and yogurt and bring change for lattes, and i'll even read the magazines in the rack at the chapters if i'm super stuck and bored. with a friend there, i can leave my laptop unattended for hours on end, provided he doesn't take off. we'll have to have a system of somekind. i wish i had wireless in my laptop, but that would probably distract me more than anything...

gaffer and rockstar hubby are taking their first camping trip this weekend. i'm a little nervous as there is canoeing and sleeping in tents. i'm sure they'll be fine...but i'm still nervous. although it'll be lovely to have the house to myself tomorrow night. heavy sleep for all! maybe.

on the creative front: have picked up a lovely blue for my park bench. have completed another painting. have started another. countdown for the artshow...i should beg Bee to send me the pics she took of them so i can post them...perhaps.

good weekend to all! will update tomorrow!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

i'm so far behind on this

oh the guilt of an non-updated blog! oh the torment of not letting everyone know what's going on in my life! for all the people that actually read this....i think there are 5 of you, my deepest apologies!

update time:

had the garage sale. it did really well, but i expected to get rid of more junk. however, i now have a new bike! i am 8 years old again riding that thing. it's name is the 'dirt pig'. it's a hideous 70's brown, it's a 'free spirit' from sears many eons ago. it has a big seat, it rattles when i bike down the road, absolutly no shocks so i got a big fat seat for my bum, and it has one speed. i adore it. all i want to do is tour comfort. in the dirt pig.

finished my book. oh yes. happy days. now comes the fun part of editing. oh the editing. i need a break.

writing contest this weekend. gotta write a novel in three days. can i do it? probably. do i know what to write about? not really. should be interesting.

am having company for breakfast. house is messy. aaaaaa! i should probably clean!
more later.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

i have a secret

no, i'm not pregnant...yeesh.

Where the Green Grass Grows - Tim McGraw

Six Lanes, tail lights
Red ants marching into the night
They disappear to the left and right again

Another supper from the sack
A ninety-nine cent heart attack
I've got a pounding head and an achin' back
My Camels buried in a big straw stack

I'm gonna live where the green grass grows
Watch my corn pop up in rows
Everynight be tucked in close to you
Raise our kids where the good Lord's blessed
Point our rocking chairs towards the west
And plan our dreams where the peaceful river flows
Where the green grass grows

Well I'm from a map dot
A stop sign on a black top
I caught the first bus that I could hop from there
But all of this glitter is getting dark
There's concrete growing in the city park
I don't know who my neighbors are
And there's bars on the corner and bars on my heart

I'm gonna live where the green grass grows
Watch my corn pop up in rows
Everynight be tucked in close to you
Raise our kids where the good Lord's blessed
Point our rocking chairs towards the west
And plan our dreams where the peaceful river flows
Where the green grass grows

i love this song. don't get me wrong, i love where we live. i love my neighbourhood, i love that i can bike everywhere and soon with all the box stores opening, life will be easier. but...
the forest. the smell of wet leaves, the boiler going with smoke hanging in the air making my clothes on the line all smelly like clean smoke. the gravel roads, the cows across the street. oh dear, here comes the remembering...

Monday, August 20, 2007

the bike i'm dreaming of...only 229$

as i make toast and contemplate boxes...

it just occured to me:

kicked out at 19, moved to ottawa in a house.
three months later, moved to another house.
three months later, moved to another house.
three months later, moved back home for the summer.
that fall, moved to residence in thunder bay.
that summer, moved to travis's house in thunder bay.
next summer, moved to Hadashville Manitoba, population 300.
that fall, moved into another house with a girlfriend in thunder bay.
that summer, moved home.
that fall, moved back to travis's house in thunder bay.
that summer, moved home.
that fall, moved to Kemptville residence.
that summer, moved to Constance Bay with rockstar hubby.
that fall, moved to Pakenham.
that March, moved to Ottawa downtown.
next March, moved to in-laws.
that December, moved into homemade rockstar hubby built house in Franktown.
4 years later, in October, moved to the glebe.
three months later, moved to Bells Corners.
one year later, moved to where we are now.

i've moved 20 times in 14 years.

no wonder i can't settle here yet. nothing feels like mine. it's so hard getting rid of stuff i had at the other 'homes'. will this place feel like 'home' soon? i hope so.

stuff like that.

yes, i know i haven't written in awhile. vacation is lovely. it's actually the first vacation with all of us that i've actually thoroughly enjoyed. the year the gaffer was born, i was stressed to have him at the cottage. of course i had no idea what to do and how to do it and no one would relieve me of my exhaustion and frustration. last year we went to logos land and slept in a tent. what on earth was i thinking? this year, back to the cottage. it was brilliant. gaffer could walk around on his own, he learned some swimming, rockstar hubby got to fish with him, we went for was awesome. could not have asked for a better time, except better weather. am debating staying at cottage for full month next
thoughts going on:
do i really want another child?
how will i ever go through all of these boxes and have everything reading for garage sale on saturday?
how will i ever have enough paintings in time for thanksgiving weekend?
can someone please tell me how i managed to schedule thanksgiving dinner at my house with my husband working that night?
what on earth am i going to do with all of these tomatoes?
why did i not work on my book?

stuff like that.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

why i love my husband

this is why i love my rock-star hubby:

1-he makes me laugh. all the time. very hard. hard enough to get hiccups. hard enough to pee my pants. hard enough to punch him because my stomach hurts so much.
2-he knows how to make me laugh.
3-he knows what makes me happy.
4-he fusses over me. i like that. most of the time. otherwise i tell him to go away.
5-he puts up with me.
6-he doesn't yell at me in public. actually he never yells at me. ever.
7-he doesn't speak condescendingly to me. ever. especially not in front of other people.
8-he doesn't criticize me. ever.
9-he doesn't drink beer in the afternoons and then get the stupid slur-on.
10-he's not lazy
11-he doesn't get drunk. he rarely drinks. and if he does, it's wine with me.
12-he takes care of his body.
13-he takes care of my body.
14-he doesn't make fun of me or my dreams.
15-ah crap, i could go on forever....

Friday, August 10, 2007


The exhibit was brilliant. Exhausting, way too many paintings at once, to cram into an hour and a half, but brilliant. the audio was fabulous. loved the kids' version. this is definitely one of my favourites. you could feel the waves coming down on you. as though you were really there.
i loved seeing the brush strokes, seeing as how he would mix reds into the blues to make contrast and draw your eye to the brightness of it. brilliant guy. could have stayed there all day examining, extracting and appreciating.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

farmhouses, cleaning, packing and garage sales.

thinking about the new 'gothic farmhouse' look. however, not having a farmhouse, am not quite sure what to think. love the black accents. which i have begun to try. would i be happy with it? i figure if i keep it kitchzy (sp?)it'll be ok.

am trying to clean the house. it's not working. probably because i have a sewing machine on my table, stuff to sew on the chairs, boxes i'm going through for the garage sale in three weeks, the gaffer's toys everywhere (why put them away when they'll be out again in less than 12 hours?), laundry to fold, meals to plan for the week away at the cottage...watering my lovely tomatoes...
will clean until 8. then will plan next paintings. maybe.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007


not that any good'll come of it.
1. why doesn't anyone believe me when i say i'm not well? i really am unwell. (doctors mostly)
2. why do i have to wait another two weeks to find out if the ultrasound shows anything wrong? oh yeah, because my doctor took the month off. peachy.
3. why is the gaffer so bad at the sitter's? he's brilliant at home. shouldn't it be the other way around?
4. why do i no longer have a desire to garden? is it because it's so bloody hot out?
5. why am i so...restless? i want to do so much but i don't want to do anything.
6. i'm too restless to complain anymore.

Monday, July 30, 2007

first summer's taste.

the perfect round circle sits in my mouth as i roll my tongue around it, feeling each little tiny hair growing on it. it's firm, but a little squishy, just waiting to be bitten.
my front teeth hold it as i try to pierce the skin, but i move it to the back in between my molars and bite down. warm, tart juice pops into my mouth, then turns sweet, vaguely familiar of garden earth and sunshine. the first bite of the first ripe tomato of the season. is there anything sweeter?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Hairy Feet

Can someone please explain to me why God made me have hairy feet? I mean, hairy feet on their own are not very attractive, including rockstar hubby's, but why me? I'm not an incredibly hairy person, I get dark arm hair in the winter and I do have to do some shaving and I get sugared every couple of months when I can't stand it anymore, but why on earth, my feet?
When I was sixteen, I was unwisely encouraged to shave them. Now I know now how awful that is, as when you shave, the hairs come back thicker and more plenty. But I didn't know that at 16. And now, I suffer.
I have used Nair (works in a pinch), I've asked the sugarar (?) to sugar my feet, and tonight, I succumbed to plucking.
One day, I will no longer suffer with hairy feet. Or maybe I'll be too old to see them.
Either way, there was absolutely no point in this blog except to say that, please, don't look at my feet.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

speaking of spiders

now, when we moved in, rockstar hubby accidentally backed into our light on our front lawn. no one around our neighbourhood uses their front porch light. they use the light on their lawn. it looks quite pretty actually. anyway, the light...broke. well, it hangs askew. it was working for awhile if you lifted the lid, and turned the light bulb inside it. and in the morning, you unscrewed it. this worked for a few days, but i have issues with sparks flying at my fingers when i'm turning it. so i turned on the porch light.
it gives a lovely glow. it makes me feel safe. it's a little bright from my bedroom window so i just face the other when i sleep. my front porch has inherited a few (read: 6)big juicy brown spiders. however, they retreat during the daylight and leave me alone, so i don't mind at all.
i think they either gave birth to a bunch of babies, or a condo went up because my front porch is COVERED in spiders. and they don't go away in the daylight. oh no, because now they are fighting over space. over who belongs to which cobweb. you know the property line issues, the 'why aren't you cutting your grass' issue. the same issues neighbours have. (except for us. we almost had one but i had hubby move the trailer off their property) now, i can live with...many spiders. i'd rather have spiders than creepy bugs. except...except now i can't step on my porch without walking through webs. and that's just not acceptable. it's bad enough you can feel the wisps on your arms, that you just can't seem to get off, but you can't tell if there really is a big juicy brown spider on your back or not. so you freak out a little. (read: a lot)
so now, i need a new plan. do i leave the lights off for a few nights and hope they go away, but lose the security of having a light on outside to possible deter burglars? or do i toss and turn at night and wonder whether the light fixture on my lawn will catch fire and spread to my very dry crunchy grass and then to our house? or do i just leave them there?

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Ottawa CityChase Adventure Race

The lowdown of race day: which will be in point form as it is so freakin long.

8:30: got to sparks street block 2, went to bathroom
8:45: signed up, went to bathroom
9:00: got coffee, went to bathroom (nerves were really going here)
9:30: preliminaries. Wrote down useless information, hugged strangers, listened to history of city chase. Blahbidy blah.
9:55: we are told that there are clue sheets for us to follow. There will be 19 clues and we need to do 10 and then get to the finish line. Due to the amount of teams, 276, the clue sheets are at 4 different chase points (areas of importance and task). They will be read 45 seconds apart from each other. And there are only 100 clue sheets per chase point. First place was read, but it was 2km away, so we waited. Second place was read, then we started to run, but stopped because a lot of people were going there. Third place was read, we took off. Starbucks at o’connor and laurier. We ran like fools. Got our clue sheet from volunteer and immediately sat down to figure it out.
I will write out the clues in the order that we followed them. It took us about 5 minutes to figure out most of them, and which areas of town to go. We had four choices, westboro, glebe, downtown and vanier. We took a risk and decided to go westboro, glebe then downtown to finish as that was closest to the finish line. We ran like fools to the bus stop, caught the 97 and got off at westboro. We managed to beat everyone to the first chase point.
1. Rapids too big? Start your walk at the ‘head’ of the ‘trail’ in the West end.
Answer: Trailhead.
We had to don lifejackets and portage a canoe down Scott Street, turn at Island Park, down Richmond Road, down the road and back to Trailhead. On the way, we saw teams at Bushtaka so we knew we had to go there next. I must mention that hubby carried the canoe by himself and I just touched the side and we jogged most of it. We were first to finish there.
2. Good with your hands? Go to Westboro to the stop which is named for Austrailian terminology for the huge variety of herbs, and other such gourmet delights down under, to see if you are good wit wheels too.
Answer: Bushtaka. We ran back up the road to there, and we had to fix and inflate a bike tire. Then deflate it. Then we left.
3. Go to LuLu in Westboro where you can breathe deeply in yoga and appreciate the moment.
Answer: LuLu Lemon. We had to get a stranger off the street and pull them into the store and they had to look at a yoga position and then tell us how to get into that position. We snagged a pregnant lady who had no problem helping us.
4. Head to Westboro to find Posh necessities for Tinkerbell, the little canine.
Answer: Head to some pet store down the street. So we ran. There was a line up of teams, so I went to the front to check it out. You had to eat dog food and you rolled for wet or dry. A girl was taking forever to eat her wet stuff (she kept puking) so we took off. Ran up to loblaws (2km), and waited for the bus. Snagged the 2 and were on our way.
5. Purpx va jvgu gur fgnss ng cybhssr cnex.
Answer: Check in with staff at Plouffe Park. Had to call Will on that one. It was at somerset and preston behind laplante pool. Got there and found we had to throw bagels onto a pole. Impossible to do. We only had 3 chances each and then we had to leave. We didn’t make it. So we left. (note: you could have cheated. It said you only had to put your feet behind the line. People figured it out and laid down on the grass with feet behind the line and put bagel on. Grrrr)
6. ‘Head’ into the direction of the centretown purveyor of organic coffee, located on bank street for a challenge of urban proportions.
Answer: Bridgehead at bank and Gilmour. We got off the 2 at queen? Albert? And ran to Gilmour. We had to do a scavenger hunt, 8 out of 12 things. Luckily, a good friend of mine’s store was across the street so I borrowed her for ‘switching shirts with me’ and ‘smashing a tomato on my forehead’ and ‘3 recycled bottles’ (we had to buy one bottle, and one tomato), ‘called will for info on best selling bike’, traded a man a hint for license plate number for facebook page person creator and asked bridgehead info on most languages in coffee country (papau new guinea)
7. So you think you got style in the beads you wear, head to this sassy store on bank.
Answer: Sassy bead on bank and second. Had to either thread a long string with noodles or do a move called ‘thread the needle’ where you cross your leg in front, while standing, and holding your foot, jump other leg through. Hubby had it in two tries, I got it in 4. we took off.
8. (note here: we ran all the way down bank to the glebe)
.emit doog gnirrup a rof ‘mooR’ siht ot teertS knaB ot nwod ‘nuR’. Woem uoy ekam lliw tnioPesahC sihT.
Answer: This ChasePoint will make you meow. Run down to Bank Street to this Room for a purring good time. Running Room on bank and holmwood.
Ran down, drew two cards, a seven and an ace. Then ran to brown’s inlet, and discovered that hubby had to eat ½ cup of wet cat food and I got out of it with my ace. Ran back to running room, he ate it. Yuck. He drank a lot of water after.
9. It’s sad when a city loses it’s football team…twice…but at least we have the old stadium. Visit the B ball court at the park where the boys used to play and be prepared to sink it…or lose it.
Answer: basket ball court behind landsdowne park. We ran. Got to the court. It was busy. You had to sink two baskets from the line. Every time you missed, you had to take off an article of clothing. I did the first basket in four, then on the other side, I was almost out, down to my skivvies, and I sank it. Hubby only lost bag and socks and shoes. We ran away to the bus stop at bank again to catch the 7.
10.In the south Glebe, is a ‘city’ park named for the city across from ‘Motor City. Check in here for a wet and wild challenge.
Answer: Windsor Park (hubby figured this one out, I didn’t. Caught bus to Cameron and Bank, then ran to park. Had to do an obstacle course, with inside legs tied together. First had to run around pylons, kick a soccer ball into the net, jump rope 10 times properly, shoot a basket, go over and around a play structure. Then I had to lock him to a bike stand and go into the kiddie pool, with blacked out goggles and find the key to unlock him. It took 8 keys. But we did it. Then ran back to bank to catch the bus to go downtown. (note: i got crabby at hubby a few times as the running tied together didn't work well, we had no coordination and it hurt. i apologized profusely)

Now if we had managed to get the other two, we’d be done. But we still had two more to do. And it was now 12:15.

11. Gather under Shelobs belly, use your eye for detail to create a piece worthy of the Louvre.
Answer: creepy spider at art gallery. We ran from bank and Wellington to the art gallery. Yes it took forever and I was getting quite exhausted at this time. I had already pulled a hamstring at preston and had snagged some advil to feel better. We were throwing back the water, but there was never enough and eating power bars. Too sweet. Felt gross. But we kept running.
Got to the art gallery. Hubby had to go inside and find a painting by it’s name and painter. He had to memorize it, then come out and tell me how to draw it on the ground with chalk. He took about 10 minutes. He said it was in the last room he came to. We drew it.
12. Across the river, you can study the history of mankidg…or take pictures of it today.
Answer: Museum of Civilization. We ran from the art gallery all the way to the bridge, over the bridge towards the entrance. (long run. Walked half of it. It’s now 1:50)
Had to take palm pilot, learn how to use it, then ‘get 5 strangers to lie down in star formation and take a pic, ‘get 2 strangers to sing with me on video for 10 seconds, we sang le clune samuel’, ‘took video of hubby and I spelling out ‘treo’, took pic of hubby doing handstand on bridge.
Had to run back to sparks street. Do you know how long it is from the other side of the bridge to sparks street? Pretty freakin long! I was done like toast. No water left, no food left, we ran for 20 seconds, then walked for 30 seconds all the way back. It was brutal.
Then we hit the finish line.
Found out we were 5th…I was so proud of me, of hubby. It was amazing. Found out first place got in 59 minutes before us, then 2nd was 40 minutes, 3rd was 30, 4th was 3. and the four teams were marathon runners, and they had done it before….

I was thrilled. Only 1/3 of the teams finished within 6 hours. We did it in 4 and a half.

Yes, I’m exhausted still and I can barely move now. But what an experience. I loved it. I felt so close to hubby, I felt invincible and the best thing was, I never gave up…

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


yesterday was a pretty darn good day.
dropped the gaffer off, went to my favourite coffee shop, wrote some cards, did my quiet time, wrote a little...maybe 4 pages. then a friend came in, C. talked to her for awhile. talked about God and i got to pray with her.
then went to the library, to wallack's for more painting supplies, and then to colleen's for help on how to finish the paintings. and i did! i finished two of them! and they look amazing! but, now i have to sell hard to part with them. i like them so much!sigh.
am looking forward to date night tonight with hubby as we go see harry potter and then have some nachos.
am really looking forward to race day.
i have nothing else to say that could possibly be remotely interesting.

Monday, July 16, 2007

too much to think about.

i'd like to say i've been thinking of things, but i've been putting off (oops, interruption..gaffer told me he peed in the potty, and he did. good job) thinking about them.
1) planning landscape plan for friend's mom. fun work, but a lot of work, and the money will definitely help. have to pull out old gardening books. am very excited. feeling professional and important again. careerwise. i'm very happy being at home.
2) attempting to plan a camping trip, girls only, through our church. when? how much?
how many? can i do it on my own? do i have time to plan it? will anyone come?
3) 'amazing race' in Ottawa this saturday. will i fail my rockstar hubby if we have to run a lot? will we win?
4) novel i'm working on. what's the next chapter? when do i stop writing it, and work on editing to bring it together? is it too long?
5) art show coming up over thanksgiving...will i sell anything? should i still do thanksgiving dinner?
6) contemplating buying a tree company, so we can expand our own. is it viable? is it too much work? can we afford it? will the profits exceed the debts? what if we screw it up? what if hubby works too much? will i have to work? what about gaffer? what if we fail? but what if we do well?
7) potting training. when?
8) selling the cottage...huh. where i grew up. how hard will it be to let go?

yah, head is reeling as i need to think about these things, but i need some time to think. does that make sense? it's like i need my big notebook to make notes, and i need quiet to do it. perhaps i should skip nap today to do it. but then i want to work on another painting. and i have to plan this week's dinner menu. and my veggies need to be fertilized. sigh.
i'm not complaining of too much to do. it's too much thinking to do.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


this blog is in response to B's blog on the romance of paddling.

this past weekend, a bunch of couples from church went for a white water canoe camping trip on the Petawawa. now, we were on the lower pet, not the upper. and it's a lovely river. i've been there 12 times now. (it's getting a tad predictable) and i have to tell you, paddling is not romantic to me.

i can understand how B thinks that watching the lovely trees go by, hearing the loons, watching the sunshine sprinkle little diamonds all over the river and your paddle, is fun. romantic. i think it's boring.

i don't like loons. i think they are idiots. i read something once where the writer was complaining about loons. they are actually rather stupid animals. they do stupid things. they are not a smart bird. and yet, people have put loons as a Canadian treat. i think their howling is irritating. it kills me to see people putting out their freshly painted adirondack chairs and just listen to the loons and then spend a roll of film trying to catch it. "oh look, you can see his foot. and if you look very close you can make out the babies". blah.
and then there's the trees. yes i like trees. i like trees a lot. they are one of my favourite things. however, there are zillions of trees on this river. most of them are ugly. sparse, uncared for, wild things that are being eaten by beavers, and were damaged from a severe storm so many years ago. i don't care about the trees. if you've seen one white pine you've seen a zillion.
and the water. yah, ok, i can appreciate the calmness of water. the stillness of the lake. when it's as clear as glass. but then it gets boring. i can appreciate the water if i'm paddling and i can see the bottom.
so while we're doing our trip, we start off with an hour flat paddle and then another and then we hit the rapids!!!
now the rapids, i can enjoy. is there a chance of dying? of course. is that the excitement of it? no. it's the unpredictability of it. many times have the rockstar hubby and i fallen out of our canoe when we smashed a rock we didn't see. we even lost all of our gear down the river when we tipped over. i thought it was hilarious. my only thoughts were, how are we going to paddle 25km in 4 hours, and would we float past any of it? (there happened to be two men at the end and they snagged our gear for us)
i like unpredictability. but then again i don't. i plan my day fully. i don't like change. i like routine. it makes sense to me.
but the thrill of seeing the churning water, the splashing of waves and getting drenched when it hits us. bailing out the insane amount of water that came in as you battle the rapids. it's fun. it gets my heart racing. but then again, so does climbing a tall ladder to hang up Christmas lights.

so keep your boring flat water. i think the fast crazy stuff is romantic. i love my heart pounding with a bit of fear. i think that my rockstar hubby getting us safely through another rapid is romantic. almost DYING in the waves and rocks is romantic.
but so is walking holding hands and drinking lattes...

Monday, July 9, 2007

well, that was a pretty darn good weekend.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007


always in the corner of my mind,
multi-coloured, different sized bayyyybies.

so three nights ago, i dream that the test said, yes, you are having a baby.
two nights ago, i dream that i am not pregnant, but yes, yes you are. you are having a baby.
yesterday i spotted. which means, no baby.
last night i dreamt i had a 12 pound baby boy. granted, then i started yelling at hubby because he had brought me home from the hospital the same day, and i wanted my four day in a private room with some sleep. (gotta love firefighter insurance)

so...what to think?

Monday, July 2, 2007


oh yes, i'm sleepy. why am i always sleepy? i think it's because it's close to nap time.
yesterday's canada day was quite lovely actually. having spent the weekend with hubby and gaffer, gaffer was in wonderful spirits. after waking up and snuggling with gaffer and his 5 'guys' (ie. smedley, smedley, patches, murray and horsie) we went to church. enjoyed an amazing message. came home. napped blissfully. got up, went to the G's for din-din. blew bubbles in the grass to which B took pics. i hope they turned out. the entire Sh family seems to be quite photogenicists. (is that a word?) drank wine, ate meat, laughed much. could that be a quote? 'drink wine, eat meat, laugh much'? i like it. maybe i'll make a sign and put it in the kitchen. we got to bed quite late as the fireworks were quite loud. wouldn't have minded so much if we could see them from our room, but the trees were kind of in the way, so you could only see little colour sprites flitting about. fell asleep around midnight. expected gaffer to sleep in. no such luck. however, we will be napping soon.
spent the morning re-arranging things, putting away laundry, vaguely planning what i'll be bringing on the weekend's camping trip.
i have absolutely nothing interesting to say today....

Friday, June 29, 2007

thought for today that doesn't make much sense

so i was lucky enough (blessed?) to get invited to a south asian (read: Indian) restaurant last night for a friend's mother's 60th birthday. and the funny thing was, myself, rockstar hubby and another friend, were the only 'whities'. the rest were 'brownies'. (note: because we are white, we are not aloud to call them brown, we are to call them south asian. so excuse my references which come directly from my south asian friend. were i telling the story in my own words, i would say, south asian, but then it wouldnt' be as funny.) the exciting part was that i would finally find out how they eat. yes, i know, with their hands and forks and knives. hardeeharhar. know what i mean. how many of you have had the rare opportunity to go to a secluded, strange chinese food restaurant, and eaten 'real' chinese food? (sorry, north asian food) it's a huge treat. i used to work in a chinese restaurant in thunder bay (there were two and yes they were delicious). and if i did some prep work for the kitchen (mind you it didn't happen often because i was always working the front by myself), after we closed at 9-10 o'clock, i would be invited to eat dinner. dinner involved luxurious, simple dishes that were not, as B would put it, deep fried or battered. fresh fish, tofu and vegetables in tangy sauce, my favourite house fried rice! we would all sit in a circle, our bowls filled with white rice and we would slurp our food with chopsticks. i would never take the fish eyeball, even though it was offered. and conversation was pretty much in their language and i have absolutely no idea what they talked about, but it didn't matter because i was slurping right along, stuffing myself so i wouldn't have to eat breakfast the next morning. (you remember how expensive it was being a student)and since then, i have not had the privilege of eating anything so spectacular again. so when we were invited to dinner last night, i thought, finally! i get to try it!
the restaurant is the Taj Mahal on bank street. yes, it looks a little scummy from the outside. but let me tell you, when you open the door, you don't smell the typical stinky fried foods. the flavours are heavenly. i sat beside my brown friend, and asked her what we should order. we ordered a spinach dish and a lamb dish. now i know it sounds boring. she herself ordered the 'brown person's tandoori chicken', which turns out, is chicken that has been soaking in it's sauce for over 24 hours. so you can imagine the heat! we received our dishes and i have to tell you, it did indeed look like baby vomit. or dog vomit. well, it was vomit. but the smell!!! my nose was already tingling and getting stuffy. hubby and i threw on the basmati rice and piled it on.
oh my goodness.
it was brilliant. the flavours were incredible. it was spicy and fragrant and sweet and starchy and chewy and well, perfect. my brown friend explained that she had ordered the 'white person' heat because there was no way we could have handled it. then she gave me a piece of her chicken. i was smart. i picked from the inside, where the chicken had not been touched by spices. it was perfect. and then the heat hit me. and i couldn't stop the tears and i couldn't stop the burning but i didn't want it to go away because it was so good! i mean, it's not like hot chicken wings where all you taste is just plain hot. this was sooooo good! i guess she felt sorry for me because she handed me a glass of mango juice. yes, mango juice. i took a sip. gone. the heat, was gone. completely and utterly gone. but so was the taste.

needless to say we ate way beyond our fill and staggered back to the car where i proceeded to have disgustingly smelly farts all the way home. it was brilliant.

so my question is: what do canadians do? i mean, do south asians come over to a 'canadian' restaurant and say, 'hey, i don't want the food you feed everyone else. i want the real canadian food.' what do we give them? poutine? venison? salmon? i have absolutely no idea. hopefully i will never be asked.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

baby it's hot outside

yesterday was a yucky sick day. but dristan nasal spray and nyquil at night made the sleep more bearable and today i'm just tired. and that's ok.
have found vegan cookbook and was expecting strange yucky things in it filled with tofu and birdseed, but i am pleasantly surprised by some of the recipes. spring rolls with peanut sauce, sweet potato and pea samosas....i think i have a wait, i think i'm a foody. i like good food. i savour each bite. no quick eating for me unless i'm in a hurry. what should i make tonight? probably just salad. too hot for anything else.
have sketched out three canvases to paint. am quite excited by what it'll look like. am attempting blowing peony, and tulips. and a smaller scale version of my buttercups. must come up with more ideas.

Monday, June 25, 2007

just monday

well, my heart was definitely in my throat as rockstar hubby and gaffer saddled up on my purple supercycle (black basket with pink flowers removed), and biked off to uncle p's where they went for a canoe ride. i didn't know how to take it, but i trusted my husband. i trusted my husband. i trusted my husband with the life of my little man. oh that was so hard. they had a blast apparently. so i guess they can go again. maybe.
spent my morning banging off two more sections of the book. went rather well i think. need's work but that's what tomorrow is for!
spent the afternoon finishing all the weeding and mulching (ah i'm done!) so now all i have to do is the occasional pop up removal of weed and tending the veggies. oh lovely lovely veggies. i deflowered a cilantro and then spent the rest of the day sniffing my fingers. i think i'm worse than a nic-addict.
spent later afternoon with gaffer buying a few groceries and making infamous chili for tomorrow's supper. proceeded to make pie for hubby and firefighter friends, when stove caught on fire. oops. calmly turned off stove and turned on fan. it went out. good girl. will not be opening stove until hubby cleans. he won't be home until wednesday. that's fine. chili crockpot is lovely.
have huge painting plans for tomorrow afternoon. will post poppy masterpiece once have finished and have digitally pictured it.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

ingredients for a good date

two decent babysitters
one grande decaf soy orange mocha latte
one walk in the glebe to look at rich houses
one reservation at infusion in the glebe
one order of chicken satay in peanut sesame sauce
one order of mixed wild mushrooms and gruyere melted in a filo pastry with sweet balsamic vinegar
one order of dry gin martini, extra dirty, 5 olives, chilled no ice
one order of mixed mushroom linguini pasta with baked chicken cooked in a white wine cream sauce.

i was his.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

exercise at home

today's thought is:
if i clean the entire house, i mean, everything with the exception of reorganizing: if i clean the entire house, vaccuming, dusting, putting away of things, cleaning bathrooms, i should technically burn about 500 calories right? i mean, that could excuse going to the gym today. i mean, i'd love to go to the gym, but the gaffer is quite content to be at home, given it's been a busy week. so i'll just keep scrubbing, feeling the burn in my forearms, the sore bum of squatting under beds, and back exercises from folding laundry. right? anyone?

Thursday, June 21, 2007

dream of josh

excellent writing day yesterday. got three chapters done. have begun idea for book for three day writing competition. it just might work.
saw doctor for bloodwork to figure out why i'm so tired. said it could be a sleep problem. which would make a lot of sense. i never slip into a deep sleep at night. i end up dreaming all night, talking all night, grinding my teeth all night. really annoying.
however, had interesting dream about Josh. yes, the Josh, of S's son. dreamt i was visiting somewhere (heaven?) and there were people everywhere, and he turned around and i knew it was him right away. even though i've never met him. he was beautiful. he smiled at me and came over and said 'i'd recognize you anywhere!' and i said the same to him. he said, 'B and Bee and my mom talk about you all the time!' and i said, 'they talk about you too. they miss you, you know.' and he threw back his head (just like B does) and laughed. then the scene changed and he was sitting on a stile (sp?) and was perched on it, with his head in his hand and he was looking down through clouds. just watching. and he kept laughing. it was very 'happy'. i guess he's thinking of you guys.

am now fighting cold due to lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion of writing book.

dreams of josh

dreams of josh
excellent writing day yesterday. got three chapters done. have begun idea for book for three day writing competition. it just might work.
saw doctor for bloodwork to figure out why i'm so tired. said it could be a sleep problem. which would make a lot of sense. i never slip into a deep sleep at night. i end up dreaming all night, talking all night, grinding my teeth all night. really annoying.
however, had interesting dream about Josh. yes, the Josh, of S's son. dreamt i was visiting somewhere (heaven?) and there were people everywhere, and he turned around and i knew it was him right away. he was beautiful. even though i've never met him. he smiled at me and came over and said 'i'd recognize you anywhere!' and i said the same to him. he said, 'B and Bee and my mom talk about you all the time!' and i said, 'they talk about you too. they miss you, you know.' and he threw back his head (just like B does) and laughed. then the scene changed and he was sitting on a stile (sp?) and was perched on it, with his head in his hand and he was looking down through clouds. just watching. and he kept laughing. it was very 'happy'. i guess he's thinking of you guys.

am now fighting cold due to lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion of writing book.

dreams of josh

excellent writing day yesterday. got three chapters done. have begun idea for book for three day writing competition. it just might work.
saw doctor for bloodwork to figure out why i'm so tired. said it could be a sleep problem. which would make a lot of sense. i never slip into a deep sleep at night. i end up dreaming all night, talking all night, grinding my teeth all night. really annoying.
however, had interesting dream about Josh. yes, the Josh, of S's son. dreamt i was visiting somewhere (heaven?) and there were people everywhere, and he turned around and i knew it was him right away. he was beautiful. even though i've never met him. he smiled at me and came over and said 'i'd recognize you anywhere!' and i said the same to him. he said, 'B and Bee and my mom talk about you all the time!' and i said, 'they talk about you too. they miss you, you know.' and he threw back his head (just like B does) and laughed. then the scene changed and he was sitting on a stile (sp?) and was perched on it, with his head in his hand and he was looking down through clouds. just watching. and he kept laughing. it was very 'happy'. i guess he's thinking of you guys.

am now fighting cold due to lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion of writing book.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007


you'd think i'd feel better by now. the pain in my thighs would be gone. nope. and i'm only complaining a little. i mean, it feels a little better. but i'm just going to have to write today instead of working out. bummer.
had a lovely day yesterday. ran some errands in the morning, had a luxurious nap (hubby was home) then went to b's for a swim. but i didn't swim. instead we yapped on the porch. lovely lovely. had awesome meat for dinner. meat is good. came home, cuddled with hubby.
woke up to a gaffer wanting to play downstairs because there was dirt in the sunroom. what? went in. found large clump of bird seed, sticks, and grass. lovely. lab barf. she doesn't care what she eats. although i'm sure the birds will be miffed at b's because she ate their seed. bloody dog.
high of 37C today. oh dear. why isn't it thursday yet? i'll just have cool baths and think of air conditioning on thursday.

watch it go down to 15 on thursday...

grumble grumble.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

THE book

a pretty nice day. got home late last night and the gaffer didn't fall asleep until 9pm (ugh) and of course woke up with nightmares of 'flowers growing'. which was a lot better than the other night where he woke up to a 'crab got my toes' which took forever to calm him down. i eventually gave him a wooden spoon and said if the crab comes back to spank him and send him to time out. that seemed to pacify him.
went to a wedding this afternoon with S and it was really nice. the pastor was wickedawesome, and he spoke a lot about the love of Jesus being the most important. it was fantastic. then we kinda skipped dinner and went to mexi's for food. and talk. and what did the talk come down to? i've got to write THE book. i mean i'm thrilled with the progress of the kid's one, and i've got tons of ideas now, but i need to write THE book. it's time to get it out. maybe i can split write?
looking forward to tomorrow's 5km 'do it for dad' race. should be good. gotta beat 32 minutes.

Friday, June 15, 2007

yucky morning.

it's a rule that things only go bum over chest when the hubby leaves for a four-day weekend away with absolutely no way of contacting him. case in point: i get a call this morning at 7:30 from a work associate of hubby's. problem number 1. cheque bounced from tree customer. oh dear. that's a lot of money out of our account. oh dear. i don't think we have the money in there to cover the bounced cheque. oh dear. problem number 2. fellow firefighter friend died in accident yesterday. oh dear. oh dear.
am praying for peace for the rest of the weekend...and resources.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

paper, paper and more paper

besides the fact that i had a superwickedawesome day and got 7 pages written (!!!!) of my book, what delighted me the most was not the pages, nor the bathing suit i bought that doesn't actually look awful on me (walmart, 20$), but the fact that on the way back from the loblaws, i was walking to my car and a whirlwind came up. and it wasn't the whirlwind that caught my attention, but the bits of paper flying in it. so i followed them with my eyes and they just went higher and higher into the sky. then they disappeared from sight they went so high. it was beautiful. a lovely display of love from God. loved it.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

busy days

well, i did have an amazing time away. and now it's back to work! laundry, gardening, cleaning the house and getting rockstar hubby out the door so he can go on his four day camping trip. am quite jealous, but thinking of how the mosquitos are still bad...i'll stay here quite happily.
gaffer was quite weird yesterday. sitter said he was quite aggressive and not listening to her at all. looked at his red face and wondered what was going on. we all went to subway so we could attend the party in the park but gaffer fell asleep immediately in the car. so we took him home. his nose was quite runny and his cheeks were quite pink, so we gave him some advil and sent him to bed. he slept like a rock all night. i guess he wasn't feeling well. so we'll be spending today at home doing some work around the house while he plays quietly. i think he had a rough, busy weekend, even though it was fun, and he just wants mommy.
gardening bragging now: pulled out many weeds. have one garden bed complete. have staked peas and beans because they are getting so big. peppers are starting to flower.
am looking forward to tomorrow's day off (again, but yesterday involved running around for 5 hours to get things for trip) where i will write a lot (that's the plan) and will be looking at more writing contests to possibly enter. am very excited about one on labour day weekend that involves writing a story over a three day period. sounds like a lot of fun