Thursday, November 29, 2007

belt tightening

it's that time of year.
time to tighten the belts.
however, it's come a little early to the rockstar family household.
which of course makes me a tad uncomfortable.
thankfully, we have the gaffers' gifts already bought and we've decided that friends will just have to receive yummy baked goods for gifts. and i've already bought rockstar hubby's gifts on line so we can't return them. (i bought him a husqvarna belt buckle, a husqvarna hat and husqvarna t-shirt...see the theme?)
and i am happy to accept that my gifts will be purchased in march/april when the tree business picks up again.
good-bye starbucks and lovely lattes, i will only be frequenting once a week.
good-bye cheap clothes from joes, i will make mine last until spring.
good-bye eating take-out, i will have to be less lazy.
good-bye pointless trips to town, i'll just have to find something else to do.
good-bye worries. I'm trusting God on this one.

just stand.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


“…and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6:13

After you have done everything.
I guess that means everything.
Everything you can possibly think of,
Everything you can physically do,
Everything that anyone can suggest to you.
Everything that GOD has asked you to do.
To stand.

Just stand there.
Do nothing.
Don’t think
Don’t act
Don’t worry
Don’t complain
Don’t argue
Don’t do anything.
Just stand.

Stand and wait.
Stand and pray.
Stand and trust.
Stand and have peace.
Stand and rest.

Let GOD take care of it.

Let Him do what He needs to do.
Let Him take control of the situation.
Let Him tell you what to do.
Let Him make you wait.

Just stand.

“The LORD will fight for you; you need only be still.” Exodus 14:14

Monday, November 12, 2007

Standing up for what's right

(why is the gaffer not sleeping yet??!!!!) sorry, just a sidenote. it frustrates me when he doesn't sleep.

ok. so i agreed to do this play. i was excited about doing a play. very very excited. i was excited because it's a gritty/serious/dark humour/poverty play. and i got to grab a part without auditioning. i was very excited.

and then i read it.

oh dear.

it depressed me. it angered me. it made me feel sick to my stomach. the joke in it was absolutely awful! i...had to email the director and say no. and state my reasons. they were so personal. and no i did not have the guts to call her on the phone. just thinking of the reasons alone made my face very red and my stomach churn so loudly i thought i was going to be sick.

but i said no.

i know it's a brilliant opportunity and i know that i would have learned so much from her, a professional director.

but i said no.

and i don't regret a thing.
i don't care if she's angry or if the rest of the players' group is mad at me and i don't care if i lose friends over it.

i said no.

yay, me.

Thursday, November 8, 2007


of course i'm procrastinating! i'm tiiiired! whine.
i've managed to go through 7 boxes and i'm pleased to announce, i'm only keeping 2 of them. actually, i'm keeping 3, but 2 of them are Christmas stuff and i'm not throwing that out! i've organized some of my 'craft' drawer and i've discovered a book called 'the cool girls guide to crocheting'. yes i have tried it before, and i'm absolutely terrible at it. apparently it's supposed to be easier than knitting, but given i'm a wreck at knitting too, it doesn't help.
the sun is shining and it's freezing outside and i'm listening to iggy pop trying to get more motivation. and do the laundry. the house is a mess but today is purging day and at around 1:30, i will be stopping and heading for the local lovely starbucks (well, not that local, they haven't built here yet and when they do i'll have to get a job to feed my habit) and just relaxing and sitting. because on tuesday i did some relaxing and sitting and i'm proud to announce that i did some major editing of my book.
and i added more chapters of my other book.

watched the scotiabank giller prize last night.
what pompousity! (is that a word?)
everyone bragging about what they've done, what tv show they did, how great an actor they are blah blah blah. i made rockstar hubby promise to slap me if i ever bragged about myself on stage or in person. and to NOT wear what the 'fashion' people tell me to wear. what a bunch of yawning, boring people. ech. i'm only going to travel in the Christian writers circles and if invited to silly pompous parties, i do believe i will invite my close friends B and Bee as they are always good for a laugh and i can brag about how much higher their IQ is than mine. especially B's daughter. how embarassing that she beat me. but i still maintain the defense that i did it at 10pm and i was barely awake and pretty much skipped the end of it thinking i could go back and redo it.

could i procrastinate more??? oh yes i can. but i won't.

Monday, November 5, 2007

shoes, wine, ex-boyfriends and sushi

ok, so i had purchased my fabulous new shoes on thursday. and i love them. and what's even more interesting, is they are heels. like 3 inches. and i don't normally wear heels. they hurt my feet. i can't run in them. etc. so when i finally found a pair i liked, i bought em.
when i put them on with my nylons yesterday, i discovered that the back of my heel kept popping out as i walked. were they too big? they kinda fit at the store. i mean, the 9's are a little big, but the 81/2's were just tight. so i chose up. that's what you do right? so i called a friend a she recommended i put a band-aid over my stockings, over my heels. and it worked.
so we got to the food and wine show (my birthday present) and it was packed. our wonderful lovely friend A who is a wine-guru, got us in because he's lovely and likes us. so as rockstar hubby purchased wine tickets i went to the bathroom to add toilet paper to the inside toe of my shoe so i'd stop sliding. (is this seriously what it takes to be a woman?!) and as i left a woman looked briefly down at my shoes and said, 'cute shoes'. !!!!!!!????? i have NEVER been told i had cute shoes. and i have to say, i looooooved the compliment. i never understood the whole shoe movement thing until last night. i had brilliant shoes on and i looked HOT! (and not just because of the shoes)
so we got our tickets and toured around to various, various, way too many wine stalls. i didn't want to listen to the pourer person yammering on about oak and barrels and gooseberries so i'd just smile my confident smile, hand them my glass and say 'pinot noir' or 'sauvignon' and just smile. and then they wouldn't explain. and that's good because it was too loud to hear, and i didnt' really care. if i liked it, i asked questions. if i didn't. i walked away.
so here's a briefy of what we tried and what i think you, dear reader, should buy:
Gamay Noir VQA - the Grange of Prince Edward (lavender and red currant notes); this is super good. you drink it and then the aftertaste is very...i thought raspberry, but it's currant. it's good. and about 10$
Semillon-Sauvignon Yellowtail - the most common yellowtail is the shiraz i believe, and they've come out with 4 new 'flavours'. the semillion is unbelievable. i don't normally like white and i detest chardonnay (most of the time) but this is amazing. it's apple, pear and gooseberry. it is so clean and crisp and if you were thirsty, it would quench it without a weird aftertaste. about 12$
um...i tried a cabernet that had won gold for a cab over 30$ and i would not recommend it. i didn't even take a card.

then i got to try champagne! our lovely friend let us try a glass (16 tickets! that's 8$ for an ounce!) for free. was ok. i dont' see what the big deal is. it reminded me of...uh...nothing. i wouldn't buy it. i couldn't afford to buy it.

then i turned around to my name being called. and i had no idea who it was until i saw his eyes. my ex. my serious-ex. the one i was debating marrying and we agreed we'd marry and move to bc ex. but he looked very different. but his eyes were the same. so i met his wife. and we chatted. and it was weird because as i talked to them, they kept saying 'oh you know how they are' and 'well, you know how great the boat was' so it was awkward but it seemed they didn't mind. but then i remembered he and i had been together for a long time and his wife probably knew a lot about me. then she told me that he had some books with my writing on them (still!) and she wanted to send them to me. i told her to go ahead and throw them out. the best compliment i got was when i said i had a 3 year old and she 'checked' me out. that felt good. then they dragged us over to MCO. (ihave no idea what that stands for. but their slogan is "interesting wine and spirits".
so we tried:
Bodegas Martin Codax Burgans: ( i have no idea what that means but here's the description of the bottle and contents): orange bottle, green celtic style label. Albarino: delicious white wine, hints of flowers, peaches and apricots, 1/2 way between Viognier and Riesling. about 17$. wow. it was amazing!!! brilliant. wow. good clean white. crispy.

ok, now the food: (could this blog be longer?)
hot peppers expressive thai cuisine on somerset and lyon. i got a chicken curry with rice. brilliant!!! yum!!!
then we had sante restaurant spring rolls and peanut satay chicken. wow.

ok, so now my feet are killing me! we graciously excuse ourselves from the ex and wife and grab lovely friend and he takes our car to wasabi. sushi restaurant.

i was very nervous. i think the wine helped. he ordered, um. soybeans.
they look like peas in the pod. and he sprinkled salt on them. and then you're supposed to put it in your mouth, squeeze with your teeth and the bean pops out. wow. is it ever good! the pod is a little fuzzy so it feels funky on your teeth. but it's fun when it pops out, and it tasted like peanuts. really!
then the sushi. uh. well, there was tuna, salmon, eel and crab. despite the sauce, i felt like vomiting. i couldn't eat it. i tried it all and i kept it in my mouth and i didn't gag, but it was close. poor lovely friend A! he was so excited for us to try it. and i think he was disappointed. but i stopped eating and i didn't get food poisoning so it's ok.
he's coming for supper tonight where we'll have french onion soup, bread, olives, blue cheese (of course!) and some serious birthday cake.
rockstar hubby and gaffer bought me a belgian chocolate cake. may i just say that it weighs 1.5 kilograms. not pounds, kilos. isnt' that insane??
ok, i gotta clean my house and haul my cookies to the gym to burn off all the calories from yesterday....

Sunday, November 4, 2007


i am needed by my family.
i am needed by my friends.
i am needed by my church.

i am the gaffer's best friend.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

My special day

happy birthday to me!
ok, so this is the part where i do some thinking.
i'm glad to be 34. it sounds like such a sophisticated age. and i don't feel it. but i do. i don't think i'd want to go back to my 20's. they were hard. of course my teen years were even harder.
so, the way i mark the milestones on my b-day, is to make a list of the brave things i've done in my year.
and they are as follows, in the order that i remember them:
-went into an art show
-displaying my art at a restaurant
-entered a 3-day novel writing contest
-endured another move to another new house
-gave God control over having more kids
-entered and came in 5th in an Urban Challenge race
-went to counselling
-made my own money through a garage sale in which i purchased the dirt pig and did a landscaping project with which i have yet to spend the money
-joined the womens' ministry at church
-made amends with someone i was mean to
-made girlfriends
-wrote a novel and mostly completed another one
-learned how and am still learning how to let go of control
-got closer to God but still needs lots of work
-realized that i am needed.

let's see what brave things i can do this year.