why am i attracting these freaks?

rant-time:

Ok, seriously, what is it with men who stretch?

I'm already avoiding weird-o guy whose pants are too tight and wears ugly socks and never shaves his face. Who is always yelling on his blackberry about houses and talking to people like they are idiots and he's always stretching. You know that guy-stretch? Where they stand up and groan a lot like they hadn't peed in a long time? And then he lifts his arms waaay up in the air and stretches and then his shirt goes up and I am exposed to brown-y skin with a lot of hair and black lint in his bellybutton. And it's like I'm supposed to swoon or something?

Ok, so I've been avoiding him. Wouldn't you?

So now there's a new guy. Who now joins me at MY writing table at Starbucks and he always sits right across from me so now I make sure my headphones are in and my music is loud so that when he talks to me, I can ignore him. Pretend I can't hear him although I'm not really pretending because all I can hear is the bass of Nine Inch Nails (why oh why did you evolve Trent? You're so sucky now!)I've already had a quick conversation with him, when he decided to ask me what I was doing. Writing. Hello???
So this guy is older, which is a tad creepy, and he doesn't shave either, a bit more creepy, and he's always STRETCHING! Makes this loud groaning noise like you make after a really great fart, (don't lie, I know you do it too) and stretches his arms up, making a big show of 'look at me stretch!'

Why? Why do men do that? I even got rockstar hubby doing it the other day, his arms way up in the air, grunting like a pig in heat (not that I've ever heard one) his shirt slowly going up and made him stop by punching him in his rockhard 8 pack abs (yes, yes, I know you're fit, now shut up about it). Then we launched into the whole 'why do men stretch and groan' conversation, ie me ranting and him watching CSI over my head and nodding in the right places. He finished my ranting by telling me that maybe the men were trying to get my attention because I was so hot.

Well, he did shut me up. I think I'm catching on though. I wanted to talk about Grey's Anatomy and he started telling me how pretty my hair was. I stopped talking. Hm...