my hair

i'm not usually a vain girl. except for when i really am. and i am working on that. it's not so much a clothes issue as it is a hair, face and physique issue. i'm working on that too.
so i went to get my hair 'done'.
i don't usually get my hair done. infact, i am one of those annoying girls who gets her hair cut maybe twice a year when it's really pissing her off because it's always in her face and her rockstar husband doesn't want her to cut it...but i digress.

so i went in to my favourite chop shop and asked for an all over colour. due to ponytails and our stranger weather system, i have three colours in my hair. the roots are mousy brown, the middle is reddish, and the ends are wheat. and it's cute and all, but enough. so she recommended brown. everyone's doing brown now. it's the new thing. brunettes.
i sighed. i'm not a fashion fad girl. i just want clothes to fit. and that look good.
so she pulled out a folder of l'oreal's new selection of 'chocolates'. that's what it's called. no really. you can get white chocolate, caramel, dark chocolate blah blah blah.
she kept pointing out browns, and they all looked, well, brown. so i turned to her and said,
let's go as dark as i can without looking silly.

she showed me a colour of brown. i said, just put it on. and she did. and then she dried it. and then she cut it.

i am so impressed.

i look very cool. my eyes are now a lovely shade of green (instead of baby diarrhea colour), my cheeks are pink and i look...thinner?
love it. love it. loooooove it.

and i could not figure out for the life of me why people are starting to talk to me now. it's like i'm back in university again and i have my green hair....

but that's another story....

hmmm

yes, i did blog about how wonderful the cottage is. and i did include absolutely breathtaking photos. pretty good for a place that is so dinky and cute. however...

we went up thursday. after many hours of trying to pack our car. we finally got there. it was stunning. it was beautiful. the leaves are starting to change. you can smell the pine needles and the lake in the same smell.
and then we opened the cottage cupboards...mice turds. everywhere. oh dear.

after i convinced rockstar hubby to do some thorough cleaning, we checked out the other cottage. mouse turds. everywhere. oh dear.

so we unpacked. i tried to relax.

we had a lovely time. except i had a cold so nothing tasted good. not even the lulu wine we were drinking. what a waste! all i wanted was soup and apple juice. so i ate copious amounts of chocolate instead. it didn't satisfy.

saturday night.
i made sure the gaffer was tucked in and asleep and went for a pee. then we walked over to the other cottage (10' away) and visited with B and D and after one hour, came back to go to sleep. oh look, a mouse turd on the toilet. interesting. i started to hyperventilate. i can do this, i thought. no biggie.
we climb into bed, say our prayers and kiss good night. just as my mind is drifting towards dreamland, rockstar hubby bolts up and is clawing at his face.
oh dear.
a mouse had been walking on his face.

we got out of bed. he looked at me. i shook my head.

we packed.

we got home at 12:30am.

i had nightmares all night of mice climbing on me. which worsened my cold.

yuck. this needs to be fixed.


p.s: took nyquil and rubbed my feet with vicks and had a sweaty sleep all night. i slept well, but sweaty. it was good. need more sleep though.

the cottage

been going there since i was born.
it absolutely blows my mind that it's been in the family for 3 generations. my dad grew up there and he played with rockstar hubby's uncle and mom. (yes, that's how we met. cheesy, isn't it?) and now i get to bring the gaffer up.

i loved the cottage. well, sometimes. i only had my brother to play with. i'd wake up, spend the morning reading harlequin romances (i know, i know), eat lunch, swim, sunbathe, play at the beach, collect little shells and old beer caps to make a barbie house with food and plates. of course as i got older all i wanted to do was sunbathe and read.

but now we are blessed to be part of two cottages. well, technically, more rockstar hubby's cottage. and that smell. that smell of the lake on a windy day. the smell of white pine trees swaying in the breeze. the variety of red maple, sugar maple, red oak, burr oak, ironwood, basswood, white pine, yew, white spruce, white cedar...it's heaven. and now the leaves are changing and their falling leaves will be all over the road and i'll feel again like i'm in another world.

how could i possibly let it go?

just updating

when does life slow down? why are there all these jobs to do? i have a theory that if i lived somewhere different, where the days were pretty much the same temperature-wise, then i would have less work. i don't even live on a farm, or in a forest. i live on waaay less than an acre. and yet my gardens have been neglected. and i have been uninspired. yet...
i managed to get a bit of ministry work done. i got to read two chapters of philip yancey's 'prayer' that rockstar hubby left in a gift bag with my name on it at my favourite coffee house this morning. (he dropped it off last night on the way to work. now you know why he is rockstar hubby). but it all went to crap when i went to art class and haaaaated my paintings. so uninspired. so ugly. the colours were awful. i think it's because they were teeny canvases. i figured i'd do smaller ones because then maybe they'd sell better. but they're so...there's no soul. no me in them. so i bought new canvases and i'm having a heck of a time getting the pics drawn on. it's like i've forgotten how. and i'm not bloody tracing it. that's cheating to me. blech.

we go to the cottage on thursday. and i can't wait to get out of here. but first i have to plan and pack everything first. sigh. alone. beautiful, lovely, rockstar hubby went to work yesterday at 3:30 and won't be home until thursday morning. i'm a tad lonely.

gaffer is hilarious. man i love that kid. rockstar hubby taught him how to make the 'love'sign with his hand and fingers and yell "wooooo". i'm so proud.

richard simmons is awesome. i tried his 'dance your pants off' tape. and it was great. he's really not that creepy. just watch his tape. he's so sincere, so encouraging that he's genuine. but, due to all the dancing about, my knees were not tended properly with all the bouncing and it caused me some pain. whereas just plain running, or elipticing (?) keeps me focused on my knees and hips to prevent injury. but he's so gosh darn fun! decisions, decisions.

met with a friend the other night. haven't seen her in over 15 years. and we talked. and it was great..but...i'm different now. why didn't i stick up for what i believed in? why did i just let words slide? i'm kicking myself now, but who's to say what i believe (what God wants me to believe ) isn't right? because it's not popular. they need a book on how to explain homeschooling or private schools to people who just don't get it. do these things protect my child? yup. who else is going to protect him? that's what i should have said. it's my job to protect him. to do my best to make sure that he's safe. not just throw him out there, show him everything and hope he deals with it.
i'm about to rant, so i'll stop here.

blah blah. i'm going to bed.
pray for inspiration for me.

oh so proud of me

i haven't made money in over 4 years. working for rockstar hubby doesn't count because he pays me a measly 5$/hour and that mostly funds my latte addiction. however, he has a point in that it helps the family out by me helping instead of paying someone else 20$. and i agree with him. however.

i had the opportunity to design a landscape plan for a friend's parents. honestly? i thought they kinda felt sorry for me and tried me out to see what i could come up with.
about 8-10 hours later (approximately a month went by as i was so busy learning how to clean) i came up with the plan.
i never worked so hard on a plan in my life. i was very detailed, i was insanely perfect. i made mistakes, i fixed them, i changed it three times. and then it was finished.
i didn't sleep much last night because i was afraid. what if they didn't like it? what if it really was terrible? what if i've lost my gift of the garden goddess? etc.

and then i met with them today.

this couple is so serious when you meet them. they don't talk much. so i sat down at their table and i showed them all 5 pages of notes and drawings. they just nodded.

and then i asked if they like it.

they loved it. they were thrilled. she said, 'you put a lot of work into this, and it's amazing and i love it'.
so i was very very happy and relieved.
and then they asked how much.
i was very nervous on this part, because i didnt' know what to charge. so i asked if a 5$ off per hour of normal fee was ok. it wasn't.
they paid me full price.

i made money.

i am a professional now.

i am so proud of myself.

guilt, guilt, guilt

so i took the gaffer to a new childcare at a new gym. i thought it would go well. two minutes after i dropped him off i check in on him, and he's in time out because he hit a child.
15 minutes later the girl comes to get me because he was sitting quietly and then just reached out and hit another kid inthe face...i was told if he did it again, he'd be asked to leave...

talk about embarassment!

i did have a talk with him. i stressed the rules and how it wasn't very nice and that his new present would be taken away if he did it again. he was a good boy for the rest of the visit...
but why?

the gaffer is so...not violent. usually. i mean, he gets picked on by other kids. yesterday at the sitters, he was pushed twice by two different kids that were younger than he was. is he acting out? is he frustrated?
i wish so much i could get through to him that some kids are just pushy. some kids want to be bossy. but he doesn't have to play with them. that grown ups are there to help him. that he is very much loved and he doesn't have to put up with that.

then the fears come to surface, as they normally do i suspect as a mom.
what if he becomes reclusive and is bullied all through school?
what if he turns and becomes violent because he's had enough?
what if he's super mean to the next child we want to have?
what if he doesn't feel enough love from us?
what if we're failing as parents?

and so it begins.
why am i taking this so personally? i know that there are some crazy kids out there and it has nothing to do with their parents. but the gaffer is normally a very well behaved kid. he's funny, he's affectionate, he's sweet, calm, laughs all the time...

i just want so much for him. like any parent does. i want him to be happy. to know true joy. to know God and chase after Him for the rest of his life. i want him to have good close friends, a joyful and fulfilling life.

how on earth am i going to be able to let him go?

and so on...

what can i say? my life is boring.
i've been spending nights with rockstar hubby watching taped versions of the finale of 'so you think you can dance' (neil didn't win???) and learning to organize my house. why oh why is it so hard? i finally got the bedroom clean. i *think* it's organized? i'm not sure yet. maybe a few more drawers....

been trying to get more paintings done for the art show in 4 weeks.

just got a package in the mail to promote the marriage conference coming up at the end of november.

am looking longingly at my two stories that i wrote so i can edit and add. but i'm witholding. am waiting one month to get new ideas.

have planned a landscape plan for a friend and am agonizing over what to charge...

and so on...

new paintings

i did it!

ok, i did it and i'm very happy.
it was so hard. saturday was awful. i wrote 8 pages. sunday was better. monday was brilliant. i wrote 68 pages. and it's actually pretty good. i'm rather pleased with myself. however, i don't want to win. because winning means you get published and as much as i would loooooove to be published, this is 'the' book, and it needs a lot more work and i have yet to include how God worked in my life to heal me. this book so far is way too secular for my liking. so perhaps i'll get second and win the 1000$ prize? or maybe it's all a scam? who knows. who cares. i've got rights over it, so it's ok.
i'm debating posting the chapters on my blog. perhaps i'll see if anyone wants to read it yet?

trying to get back to normality. am learning how to organize my home. i didn't know it was so hard, yet so easy. i need to live in a state of 'that thing is exactly where it should be', instead of, 'it's over here, under the thing with that other thing unless i took it with me to the bathroom'.

learning learning learning
am loving my new bike.
now i need to paint.

oh wait, i must post my paintings!!