i hate worrying.
i'm quite terrible at it.
i've had a lot of practice, but i just can't seem to get it down.
you'd think i'd have a 6-pack with the way my stomach clings in knots.
you'd think i'd lose weight from the sweating i do.
but no.
all i have to show for it is a few more wrinkles and some crazy dreams.
(speaking of crazy dreams, i'm so mad at myself because two nights ago i had the most brilliant dream and it was a fantastic story and i woke up thinking, i have got to write this idea down! it would make a great movie! great plot! but i couldn't be bothered to open my eyes, grab a pen and find some paper to write it down. nah, i'll remember, i thought to myself. yah right. sadly, i don't remember and i'm not happy about that. yes i now have paper and pen beside my bedside. but last night's crazy dream was interrupted by gaffer waking me, to tell me there was an alien in his room with two mouths, two eyes and a lot of tentacles and he went, 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' etc. )
and i'm embarassed to admit what i'm worried about because it's ridiculous and so many people should have worries as i.
i'm worried about our trip to the mayan riviera. i'm worried i'll vomit all over the plane (it's happened before), that we'll get on the wrong bus, that i don't speak enough spanish (dora only provided a tiny tutorial, you understand), that we'll get a room where maggots live in the bed, that i'll get the runs (of course it's a great way to lose 5 pounds), that rockstar hubby will be bored, that it'll rain too much, that we spent too much... yes, i'm ridiculous.
i'm worried about the gaffer at nana and papa's. not because i don't think she'll take good care of him, but that because we're taking off to LA (that'd be louisiana, not las angeles) exactly 19 days after we get back, he'll grow up in therapy because we were 'never around'.
and then there's the worry of wondering if i did the right thing? (personal issue, none of your business)
i'm ridiculous.
i admit it.
i'm going to the bathroom now.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
Really weird dreams...
For the past two nights, I've had very strange dreams.
I always have strange dreams. And what's even more annoying, is all I do is dream. You know those people who can go to sleep and wake up 8 hours later and wonder what happened? Not me. I dream alllll night. I never stop. And it can be incredibly annoying. Mainly because I'll be dreaming and then I sit up in bed, half awake and start yelling. "Gaffer, don't touch that!" "Neurotic dog! Off!" "Rockstar Hubby, what are you doing?" Etc. And many time the gaffer will be in danger (in my dreams) and I'll wake up and begin to get out of bed, but then I have the sense to remind myself that it is 3am (I always look at the clock) and that he is in bed, safely sleeping and not walking out the front door in his pj's.
I tried looking up some info about gaffer's dreams (as I have mentionned in previous posts) and it seems that I 'lucid' dream. Which means, I know I'm dreaming and I make decisions. They say in dreams, you can tell you're dreaming because when you touch something, your fingers go through it. Well, I must transport myself to another universe because I 'feel' everything.
Anyways, so two nights ago I decided to indulge (gorge) myself on Ruffles with dip. Then I decided to take my vitamins. Of course I had heartburn but I was too tired to get out of bed and go get some rolaids or something. I could have kicked rsh to go get them, but I'm not that mean. So I dreamt about being on 'gossip girl'. I don't watch the show. I did at first and then rsh stood there watching me, hands on hips and said, "why are you watching this crap?" and I had to agree, it was indeed crap. So I don't watch it anymore. But I was on it! I was going to meet my buds Serena and Blair.
Last night I had homemade baguette (don't get me started on the breadmaker issues) and some olives and blue cheese. I had three dreams last night. In one, some guy from my old high school was studying with me and he was trying to kiss me, and I was all worried about my breath (???) but then he kissed my neck and he was like, rubbery-lip man. It was gross. And I really didn't want to kiss him anymore because then I'd end up with a lot of saliva in my hair and eyebrows. And I hate saliva in my eyebrows. The next dream, I was at Starbucks, MY Starbucks, and they wouldn't serve me. I was like, 'Hello? Make my drink!' and they just looked at me like I was dirt. (which is interesting because this morning, I am here and they didn't have soy and I was like 'what? No venti, soy, no water, no foam tazo chai? what's wrong with you?' and I had to have crappy green tea because I can't drink anything else and they tried to get me to drink Lactaid and I'm like, 'Hello! Can't drink it! Makes me yak!' and they didnt' believe me and I'm kinda mad at blond girl right now for not believing me, but whatever. And my third dream was a God dream. I don't have many of those and I wish I would because they are super cool, but they leave me super exhausted in the morning (case in point, serious headache this morning which latte will not make better. Oh, their delivery came and I got my soy). So last night, God told me that I was to go on a quest to go find someone to bring back to Him. I was to track them down and go get them and convince them to come back. But guess what? I woke up before I was told who it was. Now how infuriating is that? Could it be more elusive? Grrr... Usually I have dreams about fighting Satan and his evilness. And that gives me a headache until bed that night.
Speaking of sleeps, the gaffer woke up two nights ago and came into my room and he was freezing cold in his new crazy-cute one piece with footies jammies. So I put him in his proper thick flannels and he hasn't woken up since. I mean he wakes up in the morning, I'm just talking about waking up at night. Oh never mind.
I always have strange dreams. And what's even more annoying, is all I do is dream. You know those people who can go to sleep and wake up 8 hours later and wonder what happened? Not me. I dream alllll night. I never stop. And it can be incredibly annoying. Mainly because I'll be dreaming and then I sit up in bed, half awake and start yelling. "Gaffer, don't touch that!" "Neurotic dog! Off!" "Rockstar Hubby, what are you doing?" Etc. And many time the gaffer will be in danger (in my dreams) and I'll wake up and begin to get out of bed, but then I have the sense to remind myself that it is 3am (I always look at the clock) and that he is in bed, safely sleeping and not walking out the front door in his pj's.
I tried looking up some info about gaffer's dreams (as I have mentionned in previous posts) and it seems that I 'lucid' dream. Which means, I know I'm dreaming and I make decisions. They say in dreams, you can tell you're dreaming because when you touch something, your fingers go through it. Well, I must transport myself to another universe because I 'feel' everything.
Anyways, so two nights ago I decided to indulge (gorge) myself on Ruffles with dip. Then I decided to take my vitamins. Of course I had heartburn but I was too tired to get out of bed and go get some rolaids or something. I could have kicked rsh to go get them, but I'm not that mean. So I dreamt about being on 'gossip girl'. I don't watch the show. I did at first and then rsh stood there watching me, hands on hips and said, "why are you watching this crap?" and I had to agree, it was indeed crap. So I don't watch it anymore. But I was on it! I was going to meet my buds Serena and Blair.
Last night I had homemade baguette (don't get me started on the breadmaker issues) and some olives and blue cheese. I had three dreams last night. In one, some guy from my old high school was studying with me and he was trying to kiss me, and I was all worried about my breath (???) but then he kissed my neck and he was like, rubbery-lip man. It was gross. And I really didn't want to kiss him anymore because then I'd end up with a lot of saliva in my hair and eyebrows. And I hate saliva in my eyebrows. The next dream, I was at Starbucks, MY Starbucks, and they wouldn't serve me. I was like, 'Hello? Make my drink!' and they just looked at me like I was dirt. (which is interesting because this morning, I am here and they didn't have soy and I was like 'what? No venti, soy, no water, no foam tazo chai? what's wrong with you?' and I had to have crappy green tea because I can't drink anything else and they tried to get me to drink Lactaid and I'm like, 'Hello! Can't drink it! Makes me yak!' and they didnt' believe me and I'm kinda mad at blond girl right now for not believing me, but whatever. And my third dream was a God dream. I don't have many of those and I wish I would because they are super cool, but they leave me super exhausted in the morning (case in point, serious headache this morning which latte will not make better. Oh, their delivery came and I got my soy). So last night, God told me that I was to go on a quest to go find someone to bring back to Him. I was to track them down and go get them and convince them to come back. But guess what? I woke up before I was told who it was. Now how infuriating is that? Could it be more elusive? Grrr... Usually I have dreams about fighting Satan and his evilness. And that gives me a headache until bed that night.
Speaking of sleeps, the gaffer woke up two nights ago and came into my room and he was freezing cold in his new crazy-cute one piece with footies jammies. So I put him in his proper thick flannels and he hasn't woken up since. I mean he wakes up in the morning, I'm just talking about waking up at night. Oh never mind.
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